I'm sad about not getting the job, but I'm also handling it remarkably well.

I spend a lot of time putting on airs about my talents and skills and experience to cover some seriously low self-esteem. But this time was different.

This wasn't about being entitled to the position. It's not that I deserved the job, it's just that I could have done it and done it very well. And I say all this with no false hubris. My tragic flaw this time wasn't talent but location.

Truth be told, this was the second time in as many years that I applied for this position. The first time around I didn't even get an interview. This time around I had cheerleaders all over the state pulling for me, for whom I'm grateful.

I wish I had been offered the job today, but I'm surprisingly at peace about it because I know that I was finally good enough to get it; this simply boiled down to regionalism gone mad. With 70% or more of the board of a statewide organization hailing from one county (not the one in which I live), this decision was not surprising. Diappointing, but not surprising.

And I'm proud of myself that I went through this process with integrity, not giving up on the commitments I've made to Wingspan, SAMHC, the Women's Commission or the Porch Light Foundation. I didn't try to weasel out of a lease or put my cat through the stress of moving. I don't like to believe that I have roots now in Tucson, but I do have responsibilities and connections that I value. I'm glad that I did not choose to sacrifice those for a job, no matter how good it would have been.

Since when do I look on the bright side of anything? Does that count as personal growth?