There have been a lot of people who have been pretty supportive over the past few days and I hope they know how much I appreciate that.

My anger is giving way to grief. But it's mostly grief about a friendship that feels like it's destined to end soon. It's feels very much like I'm losing a brother. I'm trying to get to a point where I can just let go and support this move, but I still can't get past the way the decision was made, its timing, or the circumstances that led to it. I also can't yet get past the life-altering implications this has for me.

Call me selfish, call me dramatic, call me ridiculous. But I won't cede my right to feel exactly how I'm feeling and I won't be made to feel guilty or ashamed about how I feel. The reason I feel the way I feel is because of circumstances that are beyond my control. I can no more control my emotions than I can control my metabolism. It's what I do with them that matters. And I think the fact that I haven't had any major lash-outs or breakdowns speaks volumes.

I think I'm more or less numb right now, which is good for functioning on a daily basis, but I know the numbness won't last for long. Who knows what stage of the emotional roller-coaster tomorrow will bring. I'd really like to get to acceptance and understanding soon, but I may just be too stubborn and self-centered to ever get there. And I'm a little angry that I've shifted from recognizing and being indignant about the selfishness of others to acknowledging and worrying about my own.

So thanks to those who have lent their ears and shoulders and whatnot. It will be hard for me to ever trust anyone again (no exaggeration - I barely trusted people to begin with), but your kindness is still appreciated.