I guess I may be posting more frequently, not less, at least for today. This is on the same general topic as my last post.

The thing I'm finding most painful right now is a matter of need. I need them more than they need me. For a while, we had a nicely co-dependent relationship. Maybe not the healthiest way to live our lives, but at least it was mutual. Or so I thought.

But now it's becoming clear that I'm not enough to keep them here. That stings. The response will naturally be that it's not about me, the decision has nothing to do with me. But this isn't my first time at the rodeo. I can read the writing on the wall, and it says, "you don't matter enough." Not that I don't matter at all, just not enough. I suppose that's nothing new. I've been inadequate in just about every other facet of my life at one point or another.

I feel really nauseous right now, like I'm going to vomit. Pretty, huh? I did get slightly more sleep than I expected, which is good. I'm still exhausted though. This is going to be a long and difficult day. I suppose I have a lot of those in my future now. Keen.