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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

on letting go and finding my edge

Work has been busy lately, and I'm really loving every minute of it. But that usually means staying as late as possible at work before heading off to yoga.

Tonight was no exception, except I had to stop by the real estate listing place to get an updated list since they didn't have anything new last week when I stopped by. One of our interns and I were the last two people in the admin side of the building. I should have received my access code clearance to set and turn off the alarm weeks ago, but something got lost and our HR coordinator had to call the alarm company to have them resend it this week. So the intern and I had to leave before the health care staff closed down the building.

I arrived at the real estate place, got my list, and realized I had left my cell phone back at the office. My yoga class was to start in about 20 minutes. I could go back to my office with the hope that health care staff would still be there and I could get in and out the building to grab my phone. Or I could just go without my cell phone for a night and go to yoga.

You can guess what choice I made.

I felt like I had a mini-breakthrough in Friday's class when the teacher chose me to demonstrate a hip opener. It was the first time I've been asked to demonstrate anything for the class since I started practicing, so it was an honor for me. I had a lackluster practice on Sunday morning because I didn't eat breakfast before class, and I had to skip last night's class because of another commitment, so I was really looking forward to getting back on my mat and giving myself over to the practice.

Some of my co-workers have brought up and asked me about my yoga practice over the past couple of days, which has also made me feel good about it. On Monday, our health care staff had a half day meeting, which I attended as a way to get to know them a little better and learn a bit more about service delivery. About halfway through, my VP counterpart on the health care side pulled me aside and asked if I'd lead some basic yoga exercises during their break before the section of the meeting on self-care. I happily agreed.

I didn't ultimately get to lead the abridged class because they ran out of time, but it did give me a chance to reflect on what I would have said and done. I discovered, as I sat there half-listening to the presentation on Gardasil, that I actually knew pretty much all I'd need to know to lead a short basic class, down to the foundational principles of the style of yoga I practice and the Sanskrit names of the basic asanas I would have worked through with them. Even though we were short on time yesterday, I was asked if I would lead a class or two in the future. I'm no teacher, but I can help lead folks through some of the basics.

Shortly before I left the office today, I got into a conversation with one of my staff members about my yoga practice. Again, I found myself speaking knowledgeably and providing a little education to my co-worker. It was surprising and wonderful.

So with the past two days of yogic revelations as a backdrop, I was pumped for class. I made small talk with my classmates, as I've become friendly with several of the other regulars. The woman who teaches the class I attend on Saturdays was also attending tonight's class and gave me a hug when she saw me. I felt a great sense of belonging, of connection that I had yet to feel since I started practicing about three months ago.

The opening lesson was about finding our edge and maybe pushing past it. Finding our boundaries of comfort, and then taking a step beyond, not just in asana practice, but in every aspect of life. Going all the way, giving yourself fully to whatever your task may be. With that in mind and as the foundation of tonight's class, I went whole hog.

I received multiple compliments from classmates and tonight's teacher alike on my Pincha Mayurasana. I got up effortlessly and was able to balance away from the wall for longer than ever before. After class, the teacher who hugged me before class made it a point to come over to me as I was rolling up my mat to tell me I had a beautiful Dhanurasana. I was deeply flattered. Then a couple of classmates and I got into some small talk as we were leaving and one of them insisted I meet her husband.

So I'm glad I decided to let go and learn to push past my edge. I think I have a solid understanding now of "opening to grace," which is the first of the five Universal Principles of Alignment that is the basis of this style of yoga.

Now I just need to figure out how to wake up in the morning, since I use my cell phone as my alarm clock...

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