Today is the fifth anniversary of the day my dad and I drove into Tucson from our last stop in Las Cruces, NM in the big yellow truck that carried all my earthly belongings.

I'm having a little bit of a hard time believing that I've stayed in Tucson this long. That day five years ago was filled with such hope and excitement and that nauseating sense of, "oh fuck, what have I just done?!"

For a variety of reasons, I've never particularly loved this place. I just don't find the desert beautiful, as so many transplants do. To me, it's just barren, boring dirt. And the sunsets don't wow me either. They're nice, sure, but they're no better than sunsets in Hawaii or Ithaca.

I don't relish being so down on Tucson. I'm trying to look for the good (it's part of the "flowing with grace" part of my yoga practice), and for the most part, the good is in the people I've met here. They're the reason I've made it through five years here. I'm grateful, even blessed, to count some truly wonderful people as my friends (even if some of them moved away and left me here - you know who you are!).

I'd like to not be here in another five years, but who knows what the future holds? If I'm to make another major move, I intend to do it differently, to have a job lined up, and to do it for concrete and valid reasons.

My life is pretty good. But it could be and deserves to be great. I've taken lemons and made lemonade in the five years I've been here, but I can't help but remind myself that I'm not following my own advice by staying here:

When the world gives you lemons, don't make lemonade; take those lemons back and demand the apples you wanted in the first place.

The time may be ripe for me to start making some apple cider.

Labels: change, contentment, fear, friendship, jobs, moving, not really newsworthy, opening to grace, personal, relationships, self-awareness, self-care, success, Tucson