My New Year's wishes for all my loved ones are more or less the same wishes I have for myself: a life well-lived, full of love, bliss, grace, compassion, success and peace of mind.

2008 is going to be our best year yet. I can just feel it. My most sincere and heartfelt thanks to all of you faithful readers for helping me through 2007 and making it memorable and mostly positive. May we each continue on our individual paths of personal growth and fulfillment in 2008, with new breakthroughs and ever more profound epiphanies.

I send my love to you and to those who only read rarely or not at all. We create our own destinies, and 2008 will surely be a year of fulfillment of those amazing, terrific, empowered destinies.

Please use the comments to set your intention for the year and share it with others so that we may all be inspired by it. My biggest intention for 2008 is to manifest the resources and the courage to create the life for myself that I want to lead, which may or may not take me to NYC permanently.

Your turns.

Labels: celebration, growth, hope, moving, new year, New York, opening to grace, personal, strength, success, transformation, wisdom

My flight arrived about a half hour earlier than scheduled. Jason and Brandon came to pick me up. I'm home now with a very appreciative and affectionate cat. That helps me be less sad about being back in Tucson.

I have to extend thanks yet again to Miriam for her hospitality throughout the last week, to Damon and Tamara for traveling from Philly to spend time with me, to Marla for helping me ring in my 30's just the way I wanted to, to Debra for the wonderful birthday massage, to Mell for dinner and the great conversation, to Teddi and Jack and David for being so pleasantly surprised to see me, to Mitch for being Mitch, to Hillary for taking care of Leif and taking me to the airport - I literally couldn't have taken my vacation without her, and to Jason and Brandon for being the friendly faces I needed to see when I got back to Tucson.

On the flight home, I kept getting a little teary. Not out of sadness at returning, mind you, though I would rather still be in New York. No, I'm misty even now at the realization at just how lucky I am to have people like these in my life, even if I rarely get to see them. I'm fortunate to have the means to take a trip like this. I'm truly blessed in so many ways, and I'm so fucking grateful for all of it. Cat included (he's sitting next to me purring as I type this).

When I was in JFK waiting to board and searching desperately for New York anything-edible to bring in for my client, I realized why New York's siren song calls to me. There's just an sense there that anything is possible, which, coincidentally, has become my mantra over the past year. It's a hard feeling to hold onto in a place like Tucson, where the options tend to be limited. I'm trying to stay positive here, because I've certainly managed to create wonderful opportunities for myself out here. But am I truly living up to my full potential? Or is there more for me?

My 30's are going to be the best decade yet for me. To make that happen, I have to be positioned appropriately. It's like Tucson is missionary and I like more kink out of life. There's nothing inherently bad about the missionary position - it gets the job done. It's just not always the most fun way to do it, and it's certainly not very imaginative.

I've said it before on this blog, that I moved to Tucson for the wrong reasons. But moving to New York feels so right to me. I'd be moving for me. Now all I need is a job when I get there and at least $5,000 in the bank. How hard can that be?

I should probably just go to bed. I'll upload pictures in the morning. Pinky swear.

Labels: celebration, challenge, change, friendship, hope, Jason, Miriam, moving, New York, sex, strength, success, Tucson

I like to post this on Independence Day every year. It's a good reminder of why we continue to fight the forces that are trying to destroy our Republic. Their names are Bush and Cheney. I wish they'd read this for once.

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen United States of America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refuted his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred. to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. --And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

--John Hancock

New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton

Massachusetts:
John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry

Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery

Connecticut:
Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott

New York:
William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris

New Jersey:
Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark

Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross

Delaware:
Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean

Maryland:
Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton

Virginia:
George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton

North Carolina:
William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn

South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton

Georgia:
Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

Labels: celebration, hope, USA

First, Merry Christmas to my many goyim friends.

Yoga Oasis was offering a free class this morning, so I figured I'd go. When I got there (only a couple of minutes before the class was about to start), the parking lot was packed. Busier than I'd ever seen it, though my frame of reference is admittedly small. Rather than staying, I decided to practice at home, which I ought to be doing anyway.

On my way home, I stopped by Casa Video to see if there was anything there I wanted to rent. For my four-year anniversary at the Center Against Sexual Assault, some of my colleagues chipped in and bought me, among other things, a Casa gift certificate. I've only used it once, so today I figured I might as well take advantage of my credit.

I rented Oh! Calcutta! and the second season of Little Britain. I was going to rent this other movie with Elijah Wood (who I've had a little crush on for years, Lord of the Rings nonsense notwithstanding). But the cover said it had extreme violence in it, and I'm not in the mood for that right now.

Side note: Hair is often credited as being the first Broadway musical with nudity, but it was actually Oh! Calcutta!. My high school chorus teacher frequently pointed that out for some reason. Also noteworthy, Oh! Calcutta! counts among its authors John Lennon and Sam Shepard.

So I came home (after nearly an hour of wandering around Casa), laid out my yoga mat, and proceeded to practice as best I could. I did all right. In fact, I did better than all right: I did a backbend rather effortlessly! Backbends are supposed to be good for stimulating the thyroid and pituitary glands and for heightening mood. Given how I feel right now, I'm inclined to believe it.

As I was typing this, Miriam called me to ask for a ride home from the airport later tonight. I'm so excited to have her back (for however long it lasts till she moves to NYC for good). She's usually my birthday buddy - what else would two Jews do on Christmas Eve but spend it together going to a movie?

This year I went to see The History Boys at the Loft by myself. I did enjoy the movie. I especially appreciated the reminder of the future subjunctive tense - that which may or may not happen. Seemed rather a fitting concept for me to think about on my birthday.

I also want to thank Hillary for spending so much time with me this weekend. She had an extra ticket to see the Arizona Theatre Company production of Ella on Thursday, came to my party on Friday, and went to yoga class with me on Saturday, after which she treated me to brunch at the Blue Willow for my birthday. And then she sent me a happy birthday text message yesterday.

I feel really blessed - as blessed as an atheist can feel - to have such light and love in my life. In the year ahead, I commit to remaining open to grace.

Labels: birthday, British comedy, celebration, Hillary, Miriam, musicals, New York, personal, relationships, Tucson, yoga

As near as I can figure (or remember), I came out of the closet for the first time ten years ago today. And what a long, strange trip it's been.

I was just finishing my first semester in college, a difficult and confusing period of adjustment. I was very sheltered and isolated before I left the nest, and spent most of that semester in the dorm's TV lounge, moping around and being anti-social.

But I did manage to make a few friends. One of them, a fellow Freshman named Rose, was in a committed relationship with another woman. She was the first lesbian that I ever met up close and personal. I had never been raised to hate the queers, but I did come from a rural/suburban community, so many of my peers growing up had been.

I remember having latent feelings for some of the guys I knew back home. I just tried to dismiss it as...I don't know what, really. But it was easier to dismiss than risk getting beat up or totally ostracized. Though I was class and student body president, I still wasn't exactly what I'd call popular.

Rose changed my perspective. For the first time, I realized that queer people could be safe, healthy and happy. She was the first person I came out to, going to her room that Wednesday evening before we were to leave for winter break, and confessing that I was bisexual (an identity I would cling to for a couple more years before bringing my other foot out of the closet too). She warmly embraced me and thanked me for finally being honest with her. Like my sister when I would later tell her, Rose already knew - it seemed everybody knew.

Coming out is an incredibly freeing and healthy experience. As Ted Haggard and Michael McGreevy learned over the past few years, doing so in public after repressing your true identity for years can be both painful and destructive. Coming out is also a lifelong process. I no longer identify as bisexual or gay, but as queer. But no label could ever accurately or totally define me. And I honestly don't put a lot of thought into how I present my identity anymore. I don't worry that I'll be judged for or strive to be defined by my sexual orientation. It's just one part of who I am, one brushstroke in the bigger picture.

So how does one celebrate his homoversary? The traditional 10th anniversary gift is tin or aluminum. The modern gift is diamond jewelry. There's a joke to be made in there somewhere, but it's pre-dawn and I'm not in the mood to do that yet.

So today is my homoversary and my last day at the old job. Tomorrow is the first day at my new job, and my birthday is on Sunday. It seems I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to celebrate this week. Please join me.

Labels: celebration, coming out, homoversary, LGBT, personal