My flight arrived about a half hour earlier than scheduled. Jason and Brandon came to pick me up. I'm home now with a very appreciative and affectionate cat. That helps me be less sad about being back in Tucson.

I have to extend thanks yet again to Miriam for her hospitality throughout the last week, to Damon and Tamara for traveling from Philly to spend time with me, to Marla for helping me ring in my 30's just the way I wanted to, to Debra for the wonderful birthday massage, to Mell for dinner and the great conversation, to Teddi and Jack and David for being so pleasantly surprised to see me, to Mitch for being Mitch, to Hillary for taking care of Leif and taking me to the airport - I literally couldn't have taken my vacation without her, and to Jason and Brandon for being the friendly faces I needed to see when I got back to Tucson.

On the flight home, I kept getting a little teary. Not out of sadness at returning, mind you, though I would rather still be in New York. No, I'm misty even now at the realization at just how lucky I am to have people like these in my life, even if I rarely get to see them. I'm fortunate to have the means to take a trip like this. I'm truly blessed in so many ways, and I'm so fucking grateful for all of it. Cat included (he's sitting next to me purring as I type this).

When I was in JFK waiting to board and searching desperately for New York anything-edible to bring in for my client, I realized why New York's siren song calls to me. There's just an sense there that anything is possible, which, coincidentally, has become my mantra over the past year. It's a hard feeling to hold onto in a place like Tucson, where the options tend to be limited. I'm trying to stay positive here, because I've certainly managed to create wonderful opportunities for myself out here. But am I truly living up to my full potential? Or is there more for me?

My 30's are going to be the best decade yet for me. To make that happen, I have to be positioned appropriately. It's like Tucson is missionary and I like more kink out of life. There's nothing inherently bad about the missionary position - it gets the job done. It's just not always the most fun way to do it, and it's certainly not very imaginative.

I've said it before on this blog, that I moved to Tucson for the wrong reasons. But moving to New York feels so right to me. I'd be moving for me. Now all I need is a job when I get there and at least $5,000 in the bank. How hard can that be?

I should probably just go to bed. I'll upload pictures in the morning. Pinky swear.

Labels: celebration, challenge, change, friendship, hope, Jason, Miriam, moving, New York, sex, strength, success, Tucson

OK, so I'm no General MacArthur, and this isn't southeast Asia, but the sentiment is the same.

I'm in the terminal at JFK, using one of jetBlue's FREE wifi hotspots (no wonder the legacy carriers are dying the slow, painful deaths they so richly deserve).

This has been the best trip I've ever taken - and the best birthday present anyone could have given me. Truly terrific. I can't wait to plan my next one here - or my move here. Hopefully that'll go better than my intended move to a new apartment in Tucson...

I'll upload my pictures when I get back to Tucson, but I did capture some great memories. Last night I saw my cousin Dave perform at Caroline's, met a guy I'd only ever chatted with forever who moved to New York about two years ago, then ended at a bar in Brooklyn where I saw a very dear friend from college who I haven't seen in almost six years.

And though I love it here, I'm also surprisingly OK with going back to Tucson. I guess it pays to have a cat that I miss!

Now I'm going to grab a quick bite before they start boarding.

Fear not, New York, I shall return!

Labels: birthday, friendship, moving, New York, personal

Three cheers to Hillary for joining me for yoga tonight. Let's do it again sometime!

In other news, my former roommates Jason and Brandon just bought a shiny new Prius hybrid. I got a ride in it today and I totally want one! Congrats to the boys on the new car.

Labels: friendship, not really newsworthy, personal, yoga

We're both lame duck Vice Presidents.

Of course, I'm the not-batshit-bloodthirsty-insane one.

Due to the merger of the two Planned Parenthood affiliates in Arizona, my position has been eliminated and the new position for which I interviewed has been given to someone else.

I'm actually doing just fine and am looking at this as a great opportunity to find a new and even better path. I respect the decision and the decision-makers, and I trust that the universe will give me everything I need.

Here's the text of the e-mail I sent to friends and colleagues this afternoon after I was given the news:

Dear friends,

As many of you know, my job has been in a state of limbo for a couple of months now as both Planned Parenthood affiliates in Arizona proceed with merging. I was told today that I will not be continuing with Planned Parenthood in any capacity moving forward. I have at least two weeks left here, though I've asked to remain employed for a little longer as I find my next opportunity.

I certainly appreciate all your well wishes and kind thoughts over the past few months as I've lived with the ambiguity. I'm actually doing well with the staffing decisions that were made and I'm optimistic about what the future will hold for me. There is severance, which should carry me through for about a month or so as I peer into the future. Layoffs happen to thousands of people every day, and it's certainly not the end of the world. I choose to look at this as a sign that I'm not doing what I should be doing and as an opportunity for me to find my next big thing.

That said, I'm appealing to you for help during this transition, particularly by way of feeding me any job postings that may be appropriate. I'll attach my resume to this e-mail to provide you with a more complete view of my professional and volunteer experience.

As you also know, I operate a small consulting practice and specialize in helping non-profit organizations and leaders communicate more effectively. My rates are highly competitive, so if you, you organization, or someone you know is looking for graphic design, speaker coaching, young leadership development, or sexuality/gender or disability awareness trainings, please visit my website (www.m2powered.com) for more information.

Working for Planned Parenthood has been a wonderful experience for me, and moving here from the Center Against Sexual Assault was absolutely the right decision for me at the right time. I wouldn't change that decision, even if I had known then what I know now. If you've been a supporter of Planned Parenthood in the past, I hope you will continue that support in the future, and if you haven't been a supporter, I hope you'll consider supporting the organization now, regardless of their decision about my position. There are far too few local organizations willing to stand up and take risks for progressive causes, or that give young people true positions of leadership within the organizational structure.

Thanks so much for your ongoing love and support. I feel truly blessed to count you as my friends.

Take care,
~ M

Please leave job leads for me in the comments of this post or e-mail them to me at michael -at- m2powered -dot- com. My preference would be something in the non-profit sector with supervisory responsibilities and in a senior leadership role.

Namaste.

Labels: career, challenge, endurance, friendship, hope, jobs, journey, opening to grace, personal, self-care, strength, success

Today is the fifth anniversary of the day my dad and I drove into Tucson from our last stop in Las Cruces, NM in the big yellow truck that carried all my earthly belongings.

I'm having a little bit of a hard time believing that I've stayed in Tucson this long. That day five years ago was filled with such hope and excitement and that nauseating sense of, "oh fuck, what have I just done?!"

For a variety of reasons, I've never particularly loved this place. I just don't find the desert beautiful, as so many transplants do. To me, it's just barren, boring dirt. And the sunsets don't wow me either. They're nice, sure, but they're no better than sunsets in Hawaii or Ithaca.

I don't relish being so down on Tucson. I'm trying to look for the good (it's part of the "flowing with grace" part of my yoga practice), and for the most part, the good is in the people I've met here. They're the reason I've made it through five years here. I'm grateful, even blessed, to count some truly wonderful people as my friends (even if some of them moved away and left me here - you know who you are!).

I'd like to not be here in another five years, but who knows what the future holds? If I'm to make another major move, I intend to do it differently, to have a job lined up, and to do it for concrete and valid reasons.

My life is pretty good. But it could be and deserves to be great. I've taken lemons and made lemonade in the five years I've been here, but I can't help but remind myself that I'm not following my own advice by staying here:

When the world gives you lemons, don't make lemonade; take those lemons back and demand the apples you wanted in the first place.

The time may be ripe for me to start making some apple cider.

Labels: change, contentment, fear, friendship, jobs, moving, not really newsworthy, opening to grace, personal, relationships, self-awareness, self-care, success, Tucson

OK, so everyone's been giving me shit for not blogging in over a month. Here's a photo thread to keep you entertained until I feel like writing something profound.

Click on this slideshow to go to my photo album of me and my friends (I love my new digital camera!):

Labels: contentment, friendship, hope, personal, photos, relationships

Over the past couple of months, I've had a couple of friends come to me for advice and support as they sort out or go through some relationship (or "just friends") turmoil. I'm happy to try and help and be supportive, but I can't help thinking, "am I really the best qualified person for this?"

History would indicate that I'm not.

In fact, up until about six months ago or so, I was pretty hostile to even the concept of romance. At least twice in my adult life, I've been the co-dependent, emotionally needy shlub with unrequited crushes that end up leading me to pretty drastic life-changing experiences. And this is not some far-distant trend; it just happened again about two and a half months ago. I think this time I finally learned from my mistakes, but still. That those experiences have all seemed to have miraculously worked out for the best is still unrelated to the fact that I'm a terrible relationship role model.

On the other hand, maybe this is how I repair my romantic karma. Maybe by supporting those friends who are now being victimized by some of the same emotional blackmail and overwrought nonsense to which I subjected the objects of my unreciprocated affections, I can wash my love-slate clean.

This might also help make up for that one guy I broke up with via e-mail during my senior year in college.

I told you I'm bad at this!

So I'm happy to lend an ear or a shoulder and to offer advice when asked, but please take it with a huge heaping tablespoon of salt!

I mean, honestly, what the hell do I know?

Labels: friendship, letting go, personal, relationships, strength

Acts of kindness that didn't make much sense when they were performed have a funny way of bringing life into focus years later. That's where this story goes. But to tell the story, I have to start with the new year that just came to pass.

I always keep a calendar in my kitchen on the door to my pantry. Since last year's calendar was now expired, it was time for me to buy a new one. I looked at the calendar kiosk in the mall and in Borders, but none of those calendars struck my eye. I decided a yoga calendar was the way to go, since it might help motivate me to keep up my practice throughout the year.

Onto Amazon.com I went in search of such a calendar, which I found fairly easily. Since I was already ordering from Amazon, I figured I might as well also order a book on Ayurveda that was recommended during that workshop I attended a couple of months ago. As you may know, Amazon comps the shipping if you order $25 or more worth of merchandise.

My two books didn't quite make it, and rather than paying the shipping, I figured I deserved the extra extravagance of another book or DVD or CD. I looked through pages of recommendations that the Amazon software provides, but much like my Borders calendar search, nothing struck my fancy.

Then I remembered my friend Chris back in Ithaca. OK, to be fair, we were a little more than friends, but I won't go into all those illicit details here. Chris is an artist and poet of sorts, and always seemed to be on a slightly higher plane of consciousness than me. He always raved about A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers as his all-time favorite book.

I ordered Chris' favorite book because I also recently discovered how his perspective has come to have meaning in my life. Chris and I actually only met in person two or three times, but each time was an intense burst of insight and inspiration (and, admittedly, physical delight). We hooked up one last time about a week before I moved to Tucson. I drove out to his home in one of the rural towns in upstate New York whose name I can't even remember anymore.

After a walk out into the woods to some of his favorite meditation spots, and after enjoying some more carnal pleasures in his bedroom, he presented me a painting he made for me. For years I've been struck by the kindness of the gesture, but never understood the inscription until very recently.

The painting's title is "TREE" and it hangs right next to my front door. It's a mottled maroon background with a meditating figure encapsulating the OM symbol on top and a Japanese character for "tree" on the bottom.

On the back of the painting, Chris wrote:

"TREE"

For Michael

From Chris

June 22, 2002

- Remember that change is inevitable and it can only, eventually, manifest itself as strength -- and fear that preceeds (sic) change is simply excitement for what is about to be, overwhelming you -- you are the master of your direction -- the creator of your own reality

Be well
- CHRIS

The inscription makes so much more sense to me today than it did four and a half years ago. I've long since lost touch with Chris, but his words and his painting now inspire me more than I ever would have expected during our brief friendship. Even in my darkest hours right after moving to Tucson, those words never rang as true as they do today.

I understand more now about change, strength, fear and reality than at any time before now. And as Chris' succinct wisdom those years ago now finds meaningful manifestation in my life, I dedicate my yoga practice in part to him.

Labels: change, fear, friendship, personal, reality, strength, yoga