Monday, March 05, 2007
why do they keep coming to me?
Over the past couple of months, I've had a couple of friends come to me for advice and support as they sort out or go through some relationship (or "just friends") turmoil. I'm happy to try and help and be supportive, but I can't help thinking, "am I really the best qualified person for this?"
History would indicate that I'm not.
In fact, up until about six months ago or so, I was pretty hostile to even the concept of romance. At least twice in my adult life, I've been the co-dependent, emotionally needy shlub with unrequited crushes that end up leading me to pretty drastic life-changing experiences. And this is not some far-distant trend; it just happened again about two and a half months ago. I think this time I finally learned from my mistakes, but still. That those experiences have all seemed to have miraculously worked out for the best is still unrelated to the fact that I'm a terrible relationship role model.
On the other hand, maybe this is how I repair my romantic karma. Maybe by supporting those friends who are now being victimized by some of the same emotional blackmail and overwrought nonsense to which I subjected the objects of my unreciprocated affections, I can wash my love-slate clean.
This might also help make up for that one guy I broke up with via e-mail during my senior year in college.
I told you I'm bad at this!
So I'm happy to lend an ear or a shoulder and to offer advice when asked, but please take it with a huge heaping tablespoon of salt!
I mean, honestly, what the hell do I know?
History would indicate that I'm not.
In fact, up until about six months ago or so, I was pretty hostile to even the concept of romance. At least twice in my adult life, I've been the co-dependent, emotionally needy shlub with unrequited crushes that end up leading me to pretty drastic life-changing experiences. And this is not some far-distant trend; it just happened again about two and a half months ago. I think this time I finally learned from my mistakes, but still. That those experiences have all seemed to have miraculously worked out for the best is still unrelated to the fact that I'm a terrible relationship role model.
On the other hand, maybe this is how I repair my romantic karma. Maybe by supporting those friends who are now being victimized by some of the same emotional blackmail and overwrought nonsense to which I subjected the objects of my unreciprocated affections, I can wash my love-slate clean.
This might also help make up for that one guy I broke up with via e-mail during my senior year in college.
I told you I'm bad at this!
So I'm happy to lend an ear or a shoulder and to offer advice when asked, but please take it with a huge heaping tablespoon of salt!
I mean, honestly, what the hell do I know?
Labels: friendship, letting go, personal, relationships, strength
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
maha challenge, day eighteen
Went to a Golden Globes-watching get-together after class last night, which is why I'm posting day 18's update this morning.
It always feels a little odd to go to an evening class on a day off from work. Still, it was well worth it.
The theme for the class was letting go, melting into your true self. At first blush, we were being instructed to go against all the teaching about alignment that we've been learning and working on. But the truth is that we were focusing on something called "kidney loop" that I'm still not sure I fully understand. The point is, it can feel like it's not what you're supposed to be doing, but you have to learn to let go because it is.
Letting go has never been a particular strength of mine, although I've certainly gotten a hell of a lot better over the past six months. It's probably a good thing to have that encouraged physically, too.
The next two weeks are going to be busy and long for me. I'm finding myself hardly straining at all anymore in class, and yoga is becoming more of a release and a joy than an obligation and an effort. I attribute much of that to my just being present in each moment and not getting frustrated with myself if I lose balance or fall over (which hardly ever happens anymore).
Learning to let go has its advantages.
It always feels a little odd to go to an evening class on a day off from work. Still, it was well worth it.
The theme for the class was letting go, melting into your true self. At first blush, we were being instructed to go against all the teaching about alignment that we've been learning and working on. But the truth is that we were focusing on something called "kidney loop" that I'm still not sure I fully understand. The point is, it can feel like it's not what you're supposed to be doing, but you have to learn to let go because it is.
Letting go has never been a particular strength of mine, although I've certainly gotten a hell of a lot better over the past six months. It's probably a good thing to have that encouraged physically, too.
The next two weeks are going to be busy and long for me. I'm finding myself hardly straining at all anymore in class, and yoga is becoming more of a release and a joy than an obligation and an effort. I attribute much of that to my just being present in each moment and not getting frustrated with myself if I lose balance or fall over (which hardly ever happens anymore).
Learning to let go has its advantages.
Labels: letting go, personal, yoga
