My New Year's wishes for all my loved ones are more or less the same wishes I have for myself: a life well-lived, full of love, bliss, grace, compassion, success and peace of mind.

2008 is going to be our best year yet. I can just feel it. My most sincere and heartfelt thanks to all of you faithful readers for helping me through 2007 and making it memorable and mostly positive. May we each continue on our individual paths of personal growth and fulfillment in 2008, with new breakthroughs and ever more profound epiphanies.

I send my love to you and to those who only read rarely or not at all. We create our own destinies, and 2008 will surely be a year of fulfillment of those amazing, terrific, empowered destinies.

Please use the comments to set your intention for the year and share it with others so that we may all be inspired by it. My biggest intention for 2008 is to manifest the resources and the courage to create the life for myself that I want to lead, which may or may not take me to NYC permanently.

Your turns.

Labels: celebration, growth, hope, moving, new year, New York, opening to grace, personal, strength, success, transformation, wisdom

Link to full album here.

I figured I'd do the slideshow here rather than individual pictures. I'll be adding captions to some of them. I'll also probably weed out some of the not so great pictures. Anyway, without further ado, Goodbye 20's, Hello NYC!

Labels: birthday, New York, personal, photos

OK, so I'm no General MacArthur, and this isn't southeast Asia, but the sentiment is the same.

I'm in the terminal at JFK, using one of jetBlue's FREE wifi hotspots (no wonder the legacy carriers are dying the slow, painful deaths they so richly deserve).

This has been the best trip I've ever taken - and the best birthday present anyone could have given me. Truly terrific. I can't wait to plan my next one here - or my move here. Hopefully that'll go better than my intended move to a new apartment in Tucson...

I'll upload my pictures when I get back to Tucson, but I did capture some great memories. Last night I saw my cousin Dave perform at Caroline's, met a guy I'd only ever chatted with forever who moved to New York about two years ago, then ended at a bar in Brooklyn where I saw a very dear friend from college who I haven't seen in almost six years.

And though I love it here, I'm also surprisingly OK with going back to Tucson. I guess it pays to have a cat that I miss!

Now I'm going to grab a quick bite before they start boarding.

Fear not, New York, I shall return!

Labels: birthday, friendship, moving, New York, personal

It feels good. It suits me. Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Labels: birthday, personal

So November was great. I was a little apprehensive about Nathan Lane in a straight (no pun intended) play, but his performance was remarkable. The whole small cast, really. And the lighting design was by a well-known (for that kind of thing) Ithaca College alumnus.

After the matinee, I came back to my hotel room briefly. I had a few hours to kill, so I decided to make the most of my City Pass and haul ass over to the MOMA. I love that place!

The icing on the cake though was when I walked out of one of the galleries and was admiring an interesting piece of art (a black-framed mirror with a light floating in the middle of it), when I noticed a vaguely familiar face. Not wanting to stare, I realized who it was after a couple of furtive glances.

It was John Cameron Mitchell.

Ohmygodohmygodohmyfuckinggod!

This man is a creative genius and he was right there next to me. I had my camera out because I was snapping photos of the art I particularly liked, and I didn't have the nerve to ask for a picture with him. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Ack indeed!

Ah well. I'm waiting for my uncle to get here so we can make our 7:15 reservations. Tomorrow: possibly the Today Show, that 11:00 AM massage, the Natural History Museum, and then Caroline's (I think).

What a fabulous whirlwind!

Labels: birthday, New York, personal, theatre

I'm having a great time in New York. I got to spend time with my friend Damon, who I lived with my senior year at Ithaca and who I haven't seen in a few years. I've been spending a lot of quality time with Miriam, which is wonderful. (I forgot to add that we went to see Hannah and Her Sisters last night at the Film Forum...there really is nothing like seeing a Woody Allen film on a big screen in NYC) Tonight I'll have dinner with my uncle and then see my friend Marla.

So far I've been to the Met and the Guggenheim and we went to see Spring Awakening on Friday night. I'm about to head down to the TKTS booth to buy a matinee ticket to David Mamet's new play, November, starring Nathan Lane and Laurie Metcalf.

Tomorrow (my birthday!), I may just try to get to the Today Show (Dad really wants me to). Then I have a deep tissue massage scheduled, thanks to my sister (thanks Deb!). I'm going to try and get down to the MoMa tomorrow too. Then tomorrow night, my cousin David is performing his stand-up act at Caroline's.

I said I was going to make the most of this trip, and damnit, I am! When I get back, I'll try to start doing a better job of saving, because I've been reminded of just what I'm missing in Tucson!

Labels: birthday, Debra, Miriam, musicals, New York, personal, the arts, theatre

I've arrived, in one piece. Miriam met me at the airport. Actually, she was a little late because the train was only running local, and then she got a little lost once she got to JFK, but what a trooper for venturing out so early in the morning! I'm blogging from her bed right now, while she's at work. I'm heading into Manhattan in a few to dick around there until she gets done with work, then it's off to dinner and who knows what.

Needless to say, I've been swamped getting ready for this trip and making sure life was in order enough that I wouldn't return to chaos next week. I've been derelict in my blogging duties, I know. I completely missed blogging both my homoversary and my yogaversary. So happy both of those to me!

I brought my camera and will hopefully have pictures to post, if not while I'm here, then definitely when I get back to Tucson.

And I am still taking souvenir requests.

Labels: birthday, homoversary, Miriam, New York, personal, yoga

If you're in Tucson, you simply must go see Arizona Theatre Company's new production of a classic of the American musical theatre: The Pajama Game.

Originally opened in 1954, the story about a labor dispute (this one at the Sleep Tite pajama factory in Iowa) still resonates today as images of striking workers still permeate the news.

The original production marked Bob Fosse's Broadway debut and launched a legendary choreography and directorial career. The 1957 movie adaptation (which I just ordered on DVD from Amazon) featured Doris Day and John Raitt (Bonnie's dad, a legend of the stage). Day replaced Janis Paige, who starred opposite Raitt in the original Broadway production.

There was a limited engagement revival on Broadway (actually Lincoln Center, I believe) last year, starring Harry Connick, Jr. It won the Tony for best revival of a musical.

The show is personally significant. As a confused, lonely freshman at Ithaca College, I enrolled my first semester in a 1-credit course called "Theatre Practice", which I thought would involve a lot of improv. Boy was I wrong. Theatre Practice is actually the Theatre Department's way of filling production crews for the mainstage productions, and I was assigned to the carpentry crew.

Mind you, I'd never held a power tool before in my life and was scared of hammers (heck, I was scared of my own shadow back then). But somehow being a part of that crew (and getting to serve as an extra in full costume during the run) helped bring me out of my shell, build self-confidence and self-esteem, and led me to realize that I wanted to change my major from film to theatre.

So you may not have the same emotional connection to this show that I do, but I promise you'll enjoy it just the same.

Labels: musicals, personal

These guys said so.

Labels: anti-violence, awards, personal

...and replaced by Ikea.

Fortunately, the closest store is in Tempe, which is about an hour and a half drive from here.

I've been on a home organization kick. Well, I've been on an I-should-get-organized-and-live-a-more-grownup-life kick. So I was looking on the Ikea website on Friday night for some quality inexpensive modern Scandinavian furniture, which is the style (and price!) I like. I found a couple of pieces but didn't do anything with that information.

The next morning, I received a text message from Jason inviting me to join him on a trip to the Ikea store that day. Creepy coincidence or kismet?

For a variety of reasons, I decided to forgo my three-hour Saturday yoga practice in favor of joining Jason on a jaunt to what I now call the Promised Land.

That place is magic!

I ended up only buying a lamp and some storage boxes because the flat-packed furniture I was eying wouldn't fit in Jason's Prius. I figured I'd just order it online and have it shipped, but that almost doubles the price!

Fortunately for me, I have a friend with a minivan who offered to take a road trip with me. Thanks Hillz!

Inspired by all this chic furniture, I finally cleaned out my walk-in closet last night, which was long overdue for a solid cleaning/reorganizing.

Now I have an old dresser with two of five drawers broken that I was tempted to "repurpose" into a secretary desk. Upon further consideration, and remembering that I'm not really very good at that kind of thing, I may just trash it when Ikea has much better furniture at affordable prices.

So thanks to Jason for popping my Ikea cherry.

And fear not, Target may no longer be #1, but it's still near and dear to my heart: Hillary and I spent a good two hours there yesterday!

Labels: Hillary, Ikea, Jason, not really newsworthy, personal, Target

I feel selfish posting this, but here's a wishlist of what you can get me to help me further enjoy my birthday trip to NYC:

1. The Big Apple Helicopter Flight
2. New York, New York Helicopter Flight
3. The New York Pass
4. New York CityPass
5. NYC Soul Food and Jazz in Harlem
6. Monty Python's Spamalot On Broadway
7. Legally Blonde On Broadway
8. A Chorus Line On Broadway
9. Curtains On Broadway
10. The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee On Broadway
11. Spring Awakening On Broadway
12. New York Dinner in Style with Broadway Show - Private Tour
13. Xanadu On Broadway
14. Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament in Lyndhurst
15. New York MealTicket™

Labels: New York, personal

Spectacular Room

Be seduced by the view exclusive to floors 31 to 57. Feeling like a mini ruler of the big apple, take in the sensuous details, like the luminous amber colored tables and provocative lighting. Toast your realm with cocktails from the minibar. Establish a soft back beat with a CD from the library. Link in with High-Speed Internet Access, put your feet up on the floating glass desk, and phone home with the dual line phone (one is cordless). Then delight in the sexy touches, like the sleek plasma TV, glass-enclosed voyeur shower and floating sinks. Invigorate with the legendary Bliss lemon + sage Sinkside Six. Then sink into the comfort of soft terry robes and the W signature king or two double beds, wrapped in silky 350-thread count linens, our custom pillow-top mattress, featherbed, down-filled duvet and goose down pillows.

I'll be staying there for four nights.

Labels: birthday, New York, personal

Taking yoga asana self-portraits is no easy task. It took me many many tries to get these two gems:





Anybody interested in being my yoga photographer? Seriously, I'd like to get better shots of these two poses, plus me in some additional asanas.

I found the entire photography process really helpful in checking my alignment in both poses and discovering where I need to do more work. This could be very beneficial to my yoga practice.

That, and the pictures of me in full form just look really cool.

(UPDATED 10-18-07 00:53 to replace slideshow with thumbnails of both photos)

Labels: personal, photos, yoga

My resume was due for an update, and I've done it. Use the link at right to view it. Bowing to Hillary's and apparently Miriam's concerns, I took out my home address from the online version.

Labels: career, jobs, personal

It's official, I bought my JetBlue tickets this morning. I'll be in New York December 20-25 (leaving on a redeye at 11:59 PM on December 19). I'll take souvenir requests, but I'm not making any promises.

Thanks to Hillz for watching over the furball while I'm gone, till she heads back east herself. And thanks to Miriam for putting me up part of the time I'm there. The rest of my nights will be spent in a Fabulous Room (that's really what it's called, I swear!) at the glam W Hotel Times Square.

Labels: birthday, Hillary, Miriam, New York, personal

Excuse me, 'debt with disabilities'.

Since getting laid off at the end of July, I've been avoiding looking seriously at my financial picture because I was afraid of what I might see.

You see, thanks to my severance package and a lucrative consulting practice, my bank account has actually been healthier than it's ever been. And I like having that extra cushion. So I have been a little slow in paying some bills. That's not really new, but the beefed-up bank account has been helping me psychologically through an uncertain period of quasi-employment.

But the persistent and obnoxious calls from my creditors was starting to be too much to handle - there are only so many times a day I want to be interrupted in what I'm doing so I can hit the ignore button on my cell phone.

So I sat down tonight to look at my finances through the end of this calendar year. Turns out, I'll continue to be fine. I can afford to take that birthday trip, and I could also, as it turns out, afford to pay off one of my credit cards entirely. Combined with paying off my computer last month, I'm now back down to one credit card with a balance on it, and I may even be able to pay that one all the way off by the end of the year too.

Financial insecurity, which plagued me most of the time I've lived in Tucson, when I made far less than I was worth at a job I stayed at far longer than I should have, is now a thing of the past, at least for now. And I attribute this newfound freedom at least in part to my yoga practice, which has taught me the fine art of letting go and flowing with grace.

I should write a book.

(I am, actually, writing a book proposal, but that'll be on communications strategies for smaller non-profits)

Labels: finances, New York, personal, success, yoga

So every year around the Wingspan Dinner, I have some bad car karma.

Last year, the day before the Dinner, I was rear-ended on Broadway as I was running last minute errands.

Three years ago, I had Kent Burbank handing me fistfuls of cash to take a cab from the TCC to the Jack Furrier's after I had to take my car in for emergency new tires when I found the morning of the dinner that I could see the wire inside my tires.

So it was no big shock to me this year when I got home last night to find I had a flat tire.

Kia Roadside Assistance is on the way and the dealer can fit me in this morning, but at least Miriam will be relieved to know that it's not her specifically.

Labels: Kia, personal, Wingspan

I don't really have enough on any single topic to justify posting, so here are a few droppings on an assortment of things. Now with linky-goodness in almost every bite!

I'm edging closer to making reservations for my birthday trip to NYC, I just want to make sure I can afford it. You only turn thirty once, right? Unless you're my mother, in which case you just keep turning 29 year after year.

Speaking of Phyllis: her latest quip that made me uneasy, from a couple of weeks ago. When they were back east, they decided that instead of getting buried in caskets when they die, they will be cremated (to save us kids the money and trouble, of course). As mom put it, they're going to get "crispy-fried". She kept repeating "crispy-fried crispy-fried crispy-fried" with almost a southern twinge, like she was trying to channel the Colonel.

It will be public knowledge soon enough, so I think it's safe to leak it on the ole blog first: I've been named Outstanding Advocate of the Year by the Men's Anti-Violence Partnership of Southern Arizona. I'll receive my award along with five other honorees at the MAP Gala on November 18 at the Westin La Paloma. I'm deeply honored to be among such an amazing group.

Yes, Wingspan's Executive Director resigned after less than a month on the job. No, it's not the end of the world. Wingspan was around before Kent Burbank and Joseph Bodenmiller, and it will be around after them. The strength of the organization lies not in its figurehead, but in the community that has built and sustained it over the last 20 years. The sky is not falling. This too will pass. Chill.

Speaking of Wingspan, the Annual Benefit Dinner is September 29. Have you bought your ticket yet? I hear they've sold out.

I really love being a consultant. No, really. If I can figure out how to do this and continue making a good living, I'm totally doing it. Health insurance be damned!

Patreus or Betray Us? The Republicans are just grumpy because MoveOn came up with a pithy rhyme and Republicans hate whimsy as much as Germans love David Hasselhoff.

I bought my Avenue Q ticket! Yay! And I bought it as part of the LGBT&S Alliance Fund benefit, so it's going to a good cause. The internet is really really great...

I have a new favorite TV show. Mad Men on AMC. I love anything mid-century Americana, but this has an edge of realism that I particularly admire. Television Without Pity has it on their recap roster.

I also recommend Moliere, which is playing at the Loft. In case you don't know, Moliere is often referred to as the French Shakespeare. Which I'm sure the French love.

And finally, my yoga practice was thrown off by being out of town last weekend and by meetings in the evenings throughout this week. In the last 7 days, I only made it to yoga class twice. Saturday's 3-hour yoga practice has been canceled due to a major event at the studio. I hope not all of the classes are canceled, or I may be one very grumpy yogi when Monday rolls back around.

Labels: birthday, career, jobs, MAP, mom, musicals, New York, personal, Republicans, television, theatre, Wingspan, yoga

So when I was laid off a little more than a month ago, I talked openly about wanting to take a vacation, but that vacation was contingent on where I was financially once my severance package had run its course and whether or not I had found new gainful employment by then.

As luck would have it, my severance has run its course AND I have a job that, while not permanent, is certainly gainful. This has left me in a fairly comfortable financial position for the time being, which was my hope.

My original plan, if the stars were to align as they have, was to take my vacation sometime in September. But between my CPL fellowship starting this weekend, the new interim position and the Wingspan Dinner on September 29, an autumn vacation just doesn't seem quite possible, at least not so early in the season.

Then it occurred to me tonight that my favorite time of year to travel cross-country is around my birthday. This birthday in particular will be especially noteworthy.

I turn 30 on December 24^th.

I think I should take my vacation to New York to celebrate the start of my third decade. I may not get to spend my actual birthday back east (depending on airfare), but I could definitely make a go of it pretty close to the actual day.

I'm not holding my breath on the surprise party I've always wanted (especially now that Miriam, the only person to ever try, has moved away), so I might as well celebrate myself in a big way.

I've had what can fairly be called a challenging year, but thanks to a solid yoga practice, a supportive community and the love of family and friends alike, I'm coming through it in pretty damn good shape. I deserve to celebrate myself in a big way!

It's so perfect, so obvious, I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner.

Labels: personal

That's the headline of today's Yoga Journal Newsletter Daily Insight that I get delivered to my e-mail inbox every morning.

It's a mantra that I've taken to heart.

The e-mail includes this pearl of wisdom:

"A dry spell can be connected with stress at work, emotional issues, or relationship difficulties—wherever your energy is tied up. My best advice: Don't get caught in negative self-talk."

Recognizing my own negative self-talk and stopping it in its tracks is the very thing that has sustained me through what could be a very difficult time. Can you imagine where I'd be or what I'd be doing if I hadn't taken up yoga?

Yes, I realize that "get over it" is not good advice in all situations. My point is that not everything bad that happens means the world has to come crashing down. Your joy is your sorrow unmasked, remember?

Instead, I trusted that the universe would provide, and it has. I started this week in an interim Development Director position for a local DV agency. The pay is excellent, the time is flexible and it's a great resume builder.

And now I have the freedom to explore and pursue any career opportunities that come along.

And I get to continue my yoga practice.

Labels: career, jobs, personal, yoga

The Women's Commission has hired a new Executive Director. And it's not me. I don't recognize the name of the woman they hired, either.

I'm going to just focus on my new interim job for the time being and continue to keep my feelers out there. I'm also going to remain a Commissioner. It would be pretty petty of me to resign at this point, right?

Please continue keeping those eyes and ears open about other opportunities in Tucson. This just means that the Commission wasn't the right one for me

This news will actually please one of my references and mentors greatly. She didn't want me to take this position if offered because she doesn't believe "mom and pop operations" like the Commission are going to survive.

I disagree, but now I don't have to worry about that twinge of doubt!

All things considered, there's worse news I could have received this morning. I'll find my next big thing soon enough!

Labels: jobs, personal

The Grease sing-along at the Loft last night was a lot of fun. I don't actually sing along at these things because I don't sing in groups; I will only perform if I'm in the spotlight. My friends Emily and Maggie and I got our picture taken with Annette Charles, the actress/dancer who played Cha Cha DiGregorio in the movie. She still looks fab 29 years later!

Labels: musicals, personal

We're still working out some of the minor details, but it looks like I will start next week as the interim Development Director at The Brewster Center, one of Tucson's two largest domestic violence organizations. My hourly rate will be roughly the same as that which I made at Planned Parenthood. I'll be working up to 35 hours a week, and I can do as much of that as I need to do from home.

I'm telling you, getting laid off has been the best thing to happen to me in a long time!

I'm a little cautious about going to work for another anti-violence organization (did I ever really leave the field?!), knowing the strain that vicarious trauma can have. That said, I'll be in a mostly administrative role with no direct service and I have my yoga practice to keep me centered and stress-free.

And don't forget, Grease sing-along tomorrow night at The Loft!

All things considered, this weekend is getting off to a pretty good start.

Labels: career, jobs, musicals, personal, yoga

My former assistant sent this to me. It's the most perfect musical number ever!


In other Jew news, I didn't get the JCC job, but I'm pretty OK with it. I have a meeting in the morning to discuss one of several new and very sudden opportunities at The Brewster Center with their interim ED. When one door closes, another door leads to singing puppet Jews. Or something like that.

Labels: career, INAPPROPRIATE, jobs, musicals, personal

I still don't know what to make of this conversation.

I was on the phone with my mom a little while ago. She was asking me how my interview went yesterday (not so great, I think). I appreciate her concern, but it doesn't stop with concern with her.

She's in full-on, up-all-night-agonizing mode. No matter how many times I tell her I'm fine both emotionally and financially, she tells me she's still worried.

After I reassured her for the 32nd time during our phone conversation, she finally said, "OK, unless you have a sugar daddy we don't know about."

I was taken a little by surprise and immediately responded, "I most certainly do not have a sugar daddy."

"Well if you did, we wouldn't have to worry about your bills being paid."

Wait, did my mother just suggest I ought to find me a sugar daddy?

Not knowing what else to say, I repeated the protest I made a moment earlier. My mother again repeated her insane troll logic.

When I told her I didn't want a sugar daddy, she continued to press me. Finally I said, "you clearly haven't seen the sugar daddies in Tucson." She laughed, I laughed awkwardly, and we moved on after she once again reminded me about my bills.

I think she may have actually been a little serious. I have no issues with the concept, but I'm too shallow to ever put it into practice with the crop of creepy old men that are found in Tucson.

Anyway, it's back to monster.com for me tonight.

Labels: INAPPROPRIATE, jobs, personal

Three cheers to Hillary for joining me for yoga tonight. Let's do it again sometime!

In other news, my former roommates Jason and Brandon just bought a shiny new Prius hybrid. I got a ride in it today and I totally want one! Congrats to the boys on the new car.

Labels: friendship, not really newsworthy, personal, yoga

I have a final (I think) interview scheduled with the Tucson JCC on Thursday late afternoon.

I'm told my references said glowing things about me (I've thanked them already) and that the JCC's major concern about me right now is whether or not I'd be happy in an apolitical, non-advocacy job.

I think it would be a nice break, and I can still engage in plenty of advocacy, politicking and campaigning in my volunteer and community service work.

So it looks like my job search is moving along nicely (I haven't heard anything further from the Women's Commission, so I'm thinking I may be out of the running, which is definitely their loss).

I kept telling you all that I'm not concerned and it looks like I was right. To paraphrase Joseph Campbell, the universe opens doors where there once were walls.

Labels: career, jobs, personal

I met with three more people from the JCC today in the latest phase of their hiring process. I think it went well. I guess I'll find out soon enough!

Labels: career, jobs, personal

I just received notice that I've been accepted into this year's Center for Progressive Leadership Arizona Political Leaders Fellowship.

More than 200 individuals were nominated for the fellowship from all over Arizona, and I was one of 55 selected. Apparently, there's already a waiting list in case any of the 55 of us do not or cannot accept.

Needless to say, I'm thrilled and so appreciative of my three recommendation-writers. Or, as I like to call them, my guardian angels.

I'm very excited about this opportunity. Lack of supervisory experience be damned! I have to confirm by August 20. When I confirm, I can also apply for a scholarship, which, under current circumstances, would be the only way I'd be able to afford to participate.

Labels: CPL, fellowship, leadership, personal

My interview at the JCC went well last week. So well in fact that they just invited me back to meet individually with the CEO, CFO, and Development Director this Wednesday.

This is an added intermediate step in the process that was described to me last week. At that point, I was told that last week's interview was an initial screening interview and then there would be a search committee formed that would meet with a narrowed-down list of candidates.

I'm a little grumpy about the additional step. This is like the very first professional job I interviewed for, education director at a rape crisis center. They kept adding more steps for me than for any other candidates. Apparently I was the only man to apply and the board was uncomfortable with a man as a full time staff person (this was a pretty old-school, second-wave board at the time).

I finally said no to all the additional hoops they made me jump through. I was taken out of consideration at that point, but ended up working at the same organization in a different capacity nine months later. I'm not at a point yet where I'm even considering not jumping through hoops for the JCC, so fear not.

The woman who interviewed me last week also apparently called one of my references, which was an odd thing to do after a screening interview. I can't tell if they really like me or if they're really nervous about me.

Anyway, the search is moving along pretty well but please continue to pass leads along to me.

If worse comes to worst, I could always enroll in the yoga teacher training program...

Labels: career, jobs, personal, yoga

I was invited to submit a bid today to do some contract grant-writing work for an organization with which I'm quite familiar. It's not so hard to guess which one, but I'll leave an air of mystery for right now.

I also was hired for an hour this morning to take pictures at the Tucson Birthday Month kickoff event.

I have to say I really appreciate folks throwing me odd jobs now. It almost makes me think that I could, perhaps someday, afford to really make this business a full-time (or really part-time but paying full-time) gig.

I also just signed a new lease this afternoon at my current place of residence, so I won't be thinking about moving again for another 7 months. So much for that idea, but I did need to cut costs, and this will save me $135 a month compared with the month-to-month rate I had been paying.

All things considered, I'm actually enjoying my unemployment so far. I give it another week or so before I'm totally bored out of my mind. Of course, by then I expect to have found a new full-time job. Yes, it's hubris, but I tend to aim for the stars!

Labels: career, jobs, personal

I registered today for unemployment and will start collecting for this week next week.

I also set up an initial interview for the Communications Director position at the Tucson JCC for this Thursday.

Onward!

Labels: career, jobs, personal

One of the great things about my yoga practice is that the teachers use passages from sacred or inspirational texts to start or select a theme for each class. One of my favorites is from Khalil Gibran's "The Prophet"; it's been extremely helpful in putting my impending unemployment in perspective:

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

I may periodically post other pearls of wisdom as the mood strikes me. I hope you will find this wisdom as useful and fulfilling as I have.

Labels: career, jobs, journey, joy, Khalil Gibran, personal, sorrow, wisdom

There was a last minute change and my four week interim job has turned into a four day interim job. It's better than nothing, and now I'll still be motivated to find the permanent big thing as soon as possible. I trust the universe will provide.

Labels: career, jobs, personal

I was informed today that a decision has been made, given the unusual circumstances, to pay out for both unused vacation time AND unused sick time. Usually an organization only pays out for unused vacation time while unused sick time is forfeited.

I have used no time off during my brief tenure. This is very helpful and sets my heart more at ease.

Labels: career, jobs, personal

Wingspan's Office Coordinator is going to be gone for about a month. I have a meeting on Thursday to discuss the possibility of me filling in during that time as I continue my search for a permanent and suitable position.

More to come...

Labels: career, jobs, personal

Since a lot of you have been asking what opportunities I'm pursuing, I thought it would be more efficient to post the positions for which I've applied so far. If you know anybody connected to the hiring process for any of these positions, feel free to put in a good word for me.

• Executive Director, Pima County/Tucson Women's Commission - first interview on Friday, July 27
  
• Director of LGBTQ Affairs, University of Arizona
  
• University News Manager, University of Arizona
  
• Radio Announcer (part time), University of Arizona (it sounds like fun!)
  
• Marketing Director - Tucson, Arizona Theatre Company
  
• Director of Communications, Tucson JCC
  

I'm of course open to other opportunities, so please keep directing them my way. The ones for which I've applied above should give you some idea of what I'm looking for. Thanks!

Labels: career, jobs, personal

I posted my updated resume to the site; there's a link on every page of m2powered.com. Please refer any prospective employers here.

I'm also going to update the writing samples page to include my guest opinion on pay equity from a couple of weeks ago. That link also appears on every page of this site.

Labels: career, change, equality, jobs, personal

We're both lame duck Vice Presidents.

Of course, I'm the not-batshit-bloodthirsty-insane one.

Due to the merger of the two Planned Parenthood affiliates in Arizona, my position has been eliminated and the new position for which I interviewed has been given to someone else.

I'm actually doing just fine and am looking at this as a great opportunity to find a new and even better path. I respect the decision and the decision-makers, and I trust that the universe will give me everything I need.

Here's the text of the e-mail I sent to friends and colleagues this afternoon after I was given the news:

Dear friends,

As many of you know, my job has been in a state of limbo for a couple of months now as both Planned Parenthood affiliates in Arizona proceed with merging. I was told today that I will not be continuing with Planned Parenthood in any capacity moving forward. I have at least two weeks left here, though I've asked to remain employed for a little longer as I find my next opportunity.

I certainly appreciate all your well wishes and kind thoughts over the past few months as I've lived with the ambiguity. I'm actually doing well with the staffing decisions that were made and I'm optimistic about what the future will hold for me. There is severance, which should carry me through for about a month or so as I peer into the future. Layoffs happen to thousands of people every day, and it's certainly not the end of the world. I choose to look at this as a sign that I'm not doing what I should be doing and as an opportunity for me to find my next big thing.

That said, I'm appealing to you for help during this transition, particularly by way of feeding me any job postings that may be appropriate. I'll attach my resume to this e-mail to provide you with a more complete view of my professional and volunteer experience.

As you also know, I operate a small consulting practice and specialize in helping non-profit organizations and leaders communicate more effectively. My rates are highly competitive, so if you, you organization, or someone you know is looking for graphic design, speaker coaching, young leadership development, or sexuality/gender or disability awareness trainings, please visit my website (www.m2powered.com) for more information.

Working for Planned Parenthood has been a wonderful experience for me, and moving here from the Center Against Sexual Assault was absolutely the right decision for me at the right time. I wouldn't change that decision, even if I had known then what I know now. If you've been a supporter of Planned Parenthood in the past, I hope you will continue that support in the future, and if you haven't been a supporter, I hope you'll consider supporting the organization now, regardless of their decision about my position. There are far too few local organizations willing to stand up and take risks for progressive causes, or that give young people true positions of leadership within the organizational structure.

Thanks so much for your ongoing love and support. I feel truly blessed to count you as my friends.

Take care,
~ M

Please leave job leads for me in the comments of this post or e-mail them to me at michael -at- m2powered -dot- com. My preference would be something in the non-profit sector with supervisory responsibilities and in a senior leadership role.

Namaste.

Labels: career, challenge, endurance, friendship, hope, jobs, journey, opening to grace, personal, self-care, strength, success

Today is the fifth anniversary of the day my dad and I drove into Tucson from our last stop in Las Cruces, NM in the big yellow truck that carried all my earthly belongings.

I'm having a little bit of a hard time believing that I've stayed in Tucson this long. That day five years ago was filled with such hope and excitement and that nauseating sense of, "oh fuck, what have I just done?!"

For a variety of reasons, I've never particularly loved this place. I just don't find the desert beautiful, as so many transplants do. To me, it's just barren, boring dirt. And the sunsets don't wow me either. They're nice, sure, but they're no better than sunsets in Hawaii or Ithaca.

I don't relish being so down on Tucson. I'm trying to look for the good (it's part of the "flowing with grace" part of my yoga practice), and for the most part, the good is in the people I've met here. They're the reason I've made it through five years here. I'm grateful, even blessed, to count some truly wonderful people as my friends (even if some of them moved away and left me here - you know who you are!).

I'd like to not be here in another five years, but who knows what the future holds? If I'm to make another major move, I intend to do it differently, to have a job lined up, and to do it for concrete and valid reasons.

My life is pretty good. But it could be and deserves to be great. I've taken lemons and made lemonade in the five years I've been here, but I can't help but remind myself that I'm not following my own advice by staying here:

When the world gives you lemons, don't make lemonade; take those lemons back and demand the apples you wanted in the first place.

The time may be ripe for me to start making some apple cider.

Labels: change, contentment, fear, friendship, jobs, moving, not really newsworthy, opening to grace, personal, relationships, self-awareness, self-care, success, Tucson

OK, so everyone's been giving me shit for not blogging in over a month. Here's a photo thread to keep you entertained until I feel like writing something profound.

Click on this slideshow to go to my photo album of me and my friends (I love my new digital camera!):

Labels: contentment, friendship, hope, personal, photos, relationships

I get a lot of good-natured ribbing from friends and strangers alike for my stalwart refusal to join MySpace and lend credibility (which they earn through sheer volume of subscribers) to a web presence owned by Rupert Murdoch's News Corp, the same parent company that started and owns the Fox "News" Channel.

MySpace is well on its way to becoming just another arm of the vast right-wing noise machine that the right has been building for the past 40 years. To wit: today it was announced that MySpace is launching a "politics channel" ahead of the 2008 Presidential elections.

MySpace claims it will offer profiles of five candidates from each party. I am happy to take bets on those profiles being skewed to a flattering light for the Republicans while making the Democrats each look like the second coming of Stalin.

So if it's just the same to you, I will continue my boycott of this element of Rupert Murdoch's evil empire.

Labels: personal, Pres-08, Rupert Murdoch's evil empire, social networking

"Beautiful."

"Amazing."

"Wow."

These were the remarks of some of my classmates this morning in yoga when I was asked to demonstrate Dhanurasana (boat pose).

If you slogged through my first post last Tuesday, you know that I was complimented for my Dhanurasana by a classmate that night who is also the teacher whose Saturday classes I usually attend.

It was a great feeling to be complimented like that and to being put forward as the example. It's amazing to me how far I've come in this practice in only three months.

There's still so much to learn and so much growth ahead of me, but this path has been one of such transformation and grace.

Labels: opening to grace, personal, transformation, yoga

Work has been busy lately, and I'm really loving every minute of it. But that usually means staying as late as possible at work before heading off to yoga.

Tonight was no exception, except I had to stop by the real estate listing place to get an updated list since they didn't have anything new last week when I stopped by. One of our interns and I were the last two people in the admin side of the building. I should have received my access code clearance to set and turn off the alarm weeks ago, but something got lost and our HR coordinator had to call the alarm company to have them resend it this week. So the intern and I had to leave before the health care staff closed down the building.

I arrived at the real estate place, got my list, and realized I had left my cell phone back at the office. My yoga class was to start in about 20 minutes. I could go back to my office with the hope that health care staff would still be there and I could get in and out the building to grab my phone. Or I could just go without my cell phone for a night and go to yoga.

You can guess what choice I made.

I felt like I had a mini-breakthrough in Friday's class when the teacher chose me to demonstrate a hip opener. It was the first time I've been asked to demonstrate anything for the class since I started practicing, so it was an honor for me. I had a lackluster practice on Sunday morning because I didn't eat breakfast before class, and I had to skip last night's class because of another commitment, so I was really looking forward to getting back on my mat and giving myself over to the practice.

Some of my co-workers have brought up and asked me about my yoga practice over the past couple of days, which has also made me feel good about it. On Monday, our health care staff had a half day meeting, which I attended as a way to get to know them a little better and learn a bit more about service delivery. About halfway through, my VP counterpart on the health care side pulled me aside and asked if I'd lead some basic yoga exercises during their break before the section of the meeting on self-care. I happily agreed.

I didn't ultimately get to lead the abridged class because they ran out of time, but it did give me a chance to reflect on what I would have said and done. I discovered, as I sat there half-listening to the presentation on Gardasil, that I actually knew pretty much all I'd need to know to lead a short basic class, down to the foundational principles of the style of yoga I practice and the Sanskrit names of the basic asanas I would have worked through with them. Even though we were short on time yesterday, I was asked if I would lead a class or two in the future. I'm no teacher, but I can help lead folks through some of the basics.

Shortly before I left the office today, I got into a conversation with one of my staff members about my yoga practice. Again, I found myself speaking knowledgeably and providing a little education to my co-worker. It was surprising and wonderful.

So with the past two days of yogic revelations as a backdrop, I was pumped for class. I made small talk with my classmates, as I've become friendly with several of the other regulars. The woman who teaches the class I attend on Saturdays was also attending tonight's class and gave me a hug when she saw me. I felt a great sense of belonging, of connection that I had yet to feel since I started practicing about three months ago.

The opening lesson was about finding our edge and maybe pushing past it. Finding our boundaries of comfort, and then taking a step beyond, not just in asana practice, but in every aspect of life. Going all the way, giving yourself fully to whatever your task may be. With that in mind and as the foundation of tonight's class, I went whole hog.

I received multiple compliments from classmates and tonight's teacher alike on my Pincha Mayurasana. I got up effortlessly and was able to balance away from the wall for longer than ever before. After class, the teacher who hugged me before class made it a point to come over to me as I was rolling up my mat to tell me I had a beautiful Dhanurasana. I was deeply flattered. Then a couple of classmates and I got into some small talk as we were leaving and one of them insisted I meet her husband.

So I'm glad I decided to let go and learn to push past my edge. I think I have a solid understanding now of "opening to grace," which is the first of the five Universal Principles of Alignment that is the basis of this style of yoga.

Now I just need to figure out how to wake up in the morning, since I use my cell phone as my alarm clock...

Labels: challenge, change, contentment, endurance, journey, opening to grace, personal, self-awareness, self-care, strength, yoga

Over the past couple of months, I've had a couple of friends come to me for advice and support as they sort out or go through some relationship (or "just friends") turmoil. I'm happy to try and help and be supportive, but I can't help thinking, "am I really the best qualified person for this?"

History would indicate that I'm not.

In fact, up until about six months ago or so, I was pretty hostile to even the concept of romance. At least twice in my adult life, I've been the co-dependent, emotionally needy shlub with unrequited crushes that end up leading me to pretty drastic life-changing experiences. And this is not some far-distant trend; it just happened again about two and a half months ago. I think this time I finally learned from my mistakes, but still. That those experiences have all seemed to have miraculously worked out for the best is still unrelated to the fact that I'm a terrible relationship role model.

On the other hand, maybe this is how I repair my romantic karma. Maybe by supporting those friends who are now being victimized by some of the same emotional blackmail and overwrought nonsense to which I subjected the objects of my unreciprocated affections, I can wash my love-slate clean.

This might also help make up for that one guy I broke up with via e-mail during my senior year in college.

I told you I'm bad at this!

So I'm happy to lend an ear or a shoulder and to offer advice when asked, but please take it with a huge heaping tablespoon of salt!

I mean, honestly, what the hell do I know?

Labels: friendship, letting go, personal, relationships, strength

...because I know you're all waiting with baited breath to hear the latest update.

I passed on the house I went to look at the other day. It was really cute and certainly big enough for me and my home office, but it only had an evaporative cooler, which is fine in Tucson until the monsoons roll in mid-summer.

Look, I have a fat cat who probably already has respiratory problems because he doesn't get enough exercise. I don't want to come home one day to find Leif soaking wet and passed out from choking on humidity. That's a thing that happens, right?

Seriously, my cat is the only creature in the known universe that makes lying around doing nothing look like a chore. He's doing it right now on the floor next to my bed. What's the matter, Leif? Having a hard time holding the floor down?

But I digress. It looks like I'll probably go to a month-to-month lease starting in April, which does help take some of the pressure off. More housing should open up as the snowbirds and students start to leave. You'll certainly be reading more about this. Keep your suggestions coming and thanks for all the help and support you've provided so far!

Labels: housing, personal, rent

I'm having some difficulty identifying a new place to live. This wouldn't be a source of much stress if not for the stipulation in my current lease that I give 30 days' written notice of my intent to vacate. I'm afraid of giving notice and then not having a place to live, or worse, settling on a new place that doesn't meet my admittedly high standards.

I've been all over Craig's List and the pickings are slim. I paid my $50 for a printout from REDI. Not much quality there either. I stopped by Apartment Locators and got only one hit in my price range and very broad geographic range. Hillary walked all up and down Armory Park with me yesterday and what was there was either really run down or way too big for my needs.

So I'm left with some not very appealing options: stay put and sign another 8 month lease here (the shortest available nowadays - they used to offer six-monthers, but no more), give my written notice on Thursday and pray real hard, or decide to try out the whole homeless thing while saving enough for a down payment on a house. Since that last option really isn't one, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Actually, a viable third option would be to give notice that I will be going to a month-to-month lease (and paying $150 more per month to do so, which would be good motivation) and ease some of the front-end pressure off me.

I appreciate all the help and thoughtful suggestions I've received from my friends and faithful readers. Please keep passing your leads my way. I'm sure something will turn up eventually.

Update (9:48 PM): About a half hour after I posted this, I received a call back from a landlord who has a two-bedroom house near Fifth and Columbus that I'd driven past over the weekend. I'm going to check it out tomorrow. If the inside is as promising as the outside, I may jump at the opportunity (she has a couple who is also interested, but they have big dogs and she doesn't really want dogs after previous tenants' dogs). It's at the very upper end of my price range, but would still be a marginally smaller percentage of my monthly income than my current place was when I was working for the Center Against Sexual Assault. Stay tuned...

Labels: fear, housing, personal, rent

Because I know you're all just clamoring to know what's on my mind and leave your own comments...

• Everybody sing along..."When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, 'what should I be? Should I be pretty? Should I be smart? Here's what she said to me...'"


• I may have a slight Target problem, but I can quit any time I want. Really.


• For what it's worth 10 months before a single vote will be cast, I'm supporting black horse candidate and current New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson for the Democratic nomination for President. His resume is more comprehensive and impressive than any of the other candidates - former member of Congress, former Secretary of Energy, former UN Ambassador and now Governor of a rapidly growing state in the mountain west. I got behind Howard Dean five years ago because of his experience and record as Governor of Vermont.
  
  Also, the last time a Democratic member of Congress won the Presidency, we were at the start of the Cold War and career options for women were limited to nurse, actress, teacher, model, ballet dancer and airline hostess(see item 1 above). Not a reason to vote for Richardson above the others in itself, but history can be instructive.


• I can definitely feel the difference when I go to yoga class versus when I don't. I went last night and this morning and I feel better than I have most of the rest of the week when I didn't get to go. So who's joining me tomorrow or next week?


• I'm still house hunting, and very little of what's on Craig's List or in the papers meets my needs. Who wants to go riding around town with me hunting For Rent signs?


• V-Day Tucson 2007 is next Friday and Saturday at the Fox Tucson Theatre. Publicity has been less than visible this year, so please consider purchasing tickets (available through the Fox's website or at various retailers around town). It's for a good cause and some really deserving people are being recognized for their work at intermission on the 16th.
  
  Please note, I no longer manage the V-Day Tucson website, so comments about the layout and/or outdated content can be directed to this year's organizer.


• I meant to post before Progressive Lobby Day at the Arizona legislature on Tuesday but didn't get around to it. I have to say I was pretty impressed, having participated in my share of lobby days back in Albany. Giving credit where it's due, AHRF did a hell of a job herding the progressive cats. We were also graced by the presence of a number of legislators from both parties, demonstrating that our common causes may not be as hopeless as we're sometimes led to believe. Thanks to those legislators who broke bread with us, and especially Senator Aboud for introducing our group, which filled the Senate gallery, from the floor.


• Are these not the cutest shoes ever? They're totally mine come next payday.


• My dear sister wins a prize for correctly guessing (or remembering!) who Ilene Graff is, without the assistance of IMDB. I don't know just what that prize is yet, but kudos to you, Deb!


• Speaking of both my musical sibling and fellow IC alums, don't forget to tune into "Grease: You're The One That I Want" tomorrow night (NBC, 7/6c) and vote for Kevin Greene to win the role of Danny in the latest Broadway revival. I'm going to tune in despite the fact that Andrew Lloyd Webber is a guest judge.


• A childhood dream come true.


• Speaking of movies I intend to see when they come out...


• And finally, since I'm on the topic of movies, the SHORTBUS DVD comes out on March 13.

Update, 4:42 PM: I meant to mention this when I wrote the original post, but Leonard Clark, the Iraq War veteran who tried to mount a primary challenge to Jim Pederson for the Senate nomination last year, is working on filing a petition to recall Senator Double-Talk himself. Cliff Schecter's original post mentions that there's no legal mechanism for recalling an elected federal official. Based on a cursory glance at state laws, this does not appear to be true, as Arizona law does apparently provide for the recall of any elected official: see these three statutes (that last one in particular specifies that members of Congress are included among those who may be recalled). If I read the law correctly, Clark would need to get signatures from a number of registered Arizona voters equal to 25% of the number of total votes cast in last year's Senate election for all candidates for the recall to make the ballot at the next statewide consolidated election. The recall would be an almost vertical uphill battle, but it sure could put a dent in the ole Double-Talk Express.

Labels: alumni, AZ Legislature, Bill Richardson, gift giving, Ithaca College, moving, musicals, personal, Pres-08, Progressive Lobby Day, self-care, social justice, Target, V-Day, women's rights, yoga

After being encouraged by several different people to attend an expanding class, I decided to bite the bullet this morning and just do it. I was pleasantly surprised. The class was definitely a little more intense, but I had no problem keeping up. Some of the sun salutations are still too much for my legs if they're held too long, but the duration I can hold them is getting longer each time I practice. A day of rest also helps.

So look at me, taking the intermediate classes already. That fairly well rocks.

Labels: personal, yoga

I just got done giving my about page a long-overdue overhaul. In clicking through the links to make sure they all work, I headed over to my alma mater's website.

Ithaca College produces some kick-ass graduates (if I do say so myself). Two of them are currently in very unique and distinct spotlights:

Gino Bona '95 is the winner of the first-ever NFL's "Pitch Us Your Idea for the Best Super Bowl Commercial Ever. Seriously" contest, and his ad will air at the two minute warning in the fourth quarter tomorrow. I may actually tune into the Super Bowl for the first time ever to try and catch a glimpse.

Kevin Greene '06 is one of the finalists currently appearing on NBC's reality show "Grease: You're The One That I Want" about the casting process for this summer's new Broadway revival of the most popular musical ever. "Grease" isn't my favorite musical, but it's cute and fun and I'll start watching the show so I can vote for Kevin. I don't know him, but we Ithacans have to stick together. This isn't the first audience-selected casting that an Ithaca alumnus has participated in.

Speaking of Ithaca alumni and "Grease", there's another notable alumni who I DO know. Matt Cavenaugh '01 is currently appearing on Broadway in "Grey Gardens" as Joe Kennedy. Matt and I were the same year at IC until he took a year off to appear in the national tour of "Grease". We really didn't know each other until my senior year, when he was cast in the lead role in the mainstage production of "Babes in Arms" and I happened to be the Wardrobe Supervisor and his personal dresser. He certainly deserves all the success he's earned so far. You really couldn't ask for an easier actor to work with.

And to think, the most famous IC alumni I used to brag about were Gavin MacLeod '52 and Ilene Graff '70 (you get extra points if you can identify in the comments who she is and what she's known for). There are now many other notable IC alumni doing wonderful things all over the country. I'm proud to be one of them.

I'm still not willing, however, to publicly admit that Bob Iger '73 is one of ours too.

Labels: alumni, fame, Ithaca College, personal, pride, success

My lease expires at the end of March and after three years in this apartment, I'm ready to move on. The neighbors have become progressively ruder as the years have worn on, and it often feels like the guy who lives right above me has opened a bowling alley in his apartment.

So I'd prefer to move to a house that's in central Tucson or even downtown. I'd like a two bedroom or a one bedroom with a den/office space. I've been browsing the listings on craigslist but haven't found much that fits my criteria so far. I've also posted a "housing wanted" ad on there that I thought was crystal clear, but apparently some people were still confused.

I am NOT looking to live with another person. I make a bad roommate. I am NOT looking to live in a trailer, even if the park is gated.

I am looking to pay about $800 or less a month. Preferably less. Preferably much less.

I am looking for a place that is unfurnished.

I am looking for a place that will welcome my grumpy, fat, but otherwise affectionate (and non-declawed) four-year-old cat.

So if you have any leads or know of an available place that would suit me, please get in touch with me ASAP. I'm looking for a move in date on or before April 1. Preferably a little before, as I like to have a little leeway with moving and cleaning time.

E-mail me at michael -at- m2powered -dot- com or leave a comment below. I appreciate any help you can provide!

Labels: housing, Leif, moving, personal, rent

I did it!

And I finished with a bang.

To close out the maha challenge, I decided to take a couple of workshops. That means three hours last night and two and a half hours this morning (classes are usually an hour or hour and a half). There is a special guest instructor, Noah Maze, who used to teach at the studio but moved to L.A. but who is visiting and teaching these workshops all weekend.

A month ago, three hours of yoga probably would have killed me.

Not that it was easy last night or this morning, but the change truly is profound.

And that's not the only reason the experience has been profoundly transformative. It's true that I'm stronger and more flexible than I was 30 days ago. But I also have more clarity of thought, more joy in my attitude and less stress in my life.

Noah talked a lot last night and this morning about how our innate state is perfection, it's not something we strive for because we're already there. And the divine is in everything around us, not just the things we think ("it's in the compost heap and the vegetable garden"). There was much more, but admittedly I'm still a little foggy after the whole experience. I anticipate clarity will return over the next few days.

So I've done it. I challenged myself and I stepped up to that challenge. I started a new year and a new job by upping the physical and emotional ante. These were perhaps higher stakes in retrospect than I was willing to recognize throughout the 30 days. I know it sounds cliche, but I do really feel like a whole new person.

I'll be going to tomorrow night's Kirtan to join in the maha celebration and receive my T-shirt. You should join me to help me celebrate my prodigious accomplishment.

Labels: personal, yoga

I should probably stay home and rest until I kick this nascent cold for good, but I'm so close to the end of the maha challenge I can smell it. Maybe I should do laundry more than once a week.

Tonight's class was nice and small, but I didn't feel like I got much more personal attention than when the class is packed with 40 or more students. I don't know if that means that my alignment is good and I don't need much help or if they think I'm just a lost cause or somewhere in between. Regardless, I'd like a little more feedback. I guess that's what private lessons are for.

We were all about the shoulders tonight. Shoulder stands were the pose of the night. I've always, since I was very young, been able to come into a shoulder stand with ease. I was surprised to find myself at the end of class a little disappointed that we didn't do more hip openers. I guess I've become spoiled by how loose my hips generally are at the end of a practice. That wasn't the case tonight and I missed the feeling.

I feel like I'm pushing this sore throat out as fast as possible. My hope is that it'll be gone for good by morning.

In completely unrelated news, I won a $25 Target gift card today in a door prize raffle at our all-staff half day meeting this morning. They are totally enabling my unhealthy Target habits.

Maybe I'll finally get that scratching post for Leif that I've had my eye on.

Labels: Leif, personal, Target, yoga

There were 42 people in class tonight. That's a lot.

Tonight's teacher is not my favorite: she tends to ramble, which makes maintaining proper alignment in poses until she tells us to release a little frustrating. Still, I should also consider that such practice builds stamina and patience, which are good qualities to cultivate. Her point tonight was something she said her mother always tells her: nothing positive ever happens without struggle or work. Fair enough.

I felt myself getting sick last night (scratchy throat) and that continued through today. Maybe I should have taken a night off to rest. This week has just been packed wall-to-wall with meetings, some of them starting as early as 7:30 AM. I'm so not a morning person. Because I'm also trying to get a lot accomplished at night before bed, this has left me with less sleep than I'm used to. I also worked a half day on Saturday, which means I didn't get a full weekend of rest (and had an early morning that day with a 6:30 AM yoga class).

So I'm making two commitments to myself. In the short term, I will use this weekend to get as much rest as possible and really take good care of myself. In the long term, I will not allow my staff to schedule me for more than three meetings in a day. I know that I'm new and I'm filling a leadership vacuum (sort of), but I refuse to maintain this pace anymore. Next week on look mercifully less busy.

Now that I have a little bit of power, I intend to use it for good - as in my good health.

Labels: health, personal, yoga

Class was crowded but enjoyable tonight. We focused on the first of the Anusara Universal Principles of Alignment, opening to grace. It's always helpful to revisit the basics on a regular basis.

The best part of the night was after class when a fellow student, who recently began attending the more advanced classes and with whom I've became friendly, approached me and said, "you're totally ready for the expanding class." (Expanding is the next level of the Anusara syllabus, more advanced than Basics, which is where I've been since taking up yoga a little more than a month ago) He went on to say that I have grasp of the flow of the practice.

This other student was telling me last night that he had just started going to a couple of the Expanding classes and the pace was more intense but worth it. I wasn't (and am still not) sure about making the leap, but it was definitely quite a compliment and I take it as such. It really made my night.

So maybe I'll take my first Expanding class as a way to celebrate finishing the maha.

Labels: personal, yoga

I know, it's 15 hours after class 25 ended and I should have posted something earlier, but cut me some slack: I had a 7:30 AM meeting and I'm not a morning person. My prep actually had to start the night before and I was still 5 minutes late.

Class was actually wonderful last night, just what I needed. I'd been feeling for the three or four days prior that I was hitting a wall and plateauing. I talked on the phone briefly with Chad shortly before class (he's the one to thank - or to blame - for getting me into the yoga in the first place). I was telling him of my fatigue and he suggested that I should take a day off. I know I should listen to my body, but I was also feeling pretty decent yesterday.

I decided to go to class.

I'm glad I went.

The theme was all about balance, particularly finding balance in asymmetry, which is almost a counter-intuitive concept until you accept that balance and symmetry are not the same thing. I maintained my balance almost entirely throughout the class and tapped into a core strength that I'd forgotten or become blocked from for the few classes prior.

Now with only five classes to go, I feel like I have the extra burst of energy and enthusiasm that I need to get through. My fatigue has seemingly melted away.

I feel good. Even for starting my day at 7:30 AM.

Labels: personal, yoga

Went to my usual 10:30 AM class this morning, which is probably one of my favorite classes all week because of both the small size and the instructor.

I'm definitely plateauing. I'm tired and sore. But I can work through all that because I recognize the positive effects that are manifesting themselves in my life. Also, we did handstands and full wheel backbends this morning, so that always help motivate me.

On a related note, I downloaded my first audio book for my iPod, "Light on Life" by B.K.S. Iyengar, an adaptation of his "Light on Yoga". I'm about halfway through right now, and it's proving to be helpful in my understanding of the underlying philosophy and history of the practice. It's also a lot to take in, and so I can't really type much about it as I'm still digesting it all.

So I have less than a week left in the maha. I plan to get my card framed when I'm done and hang it on a wall. I've never done anything like this before, and despite my fatigue - or maybe because of it - I've never been more proud of myself about anything I've ever done.

Labels: iPod, Iyengar, personal, yoga

I don't think I'll be doing another 6:30 AM class anytime soon. I hardly even remember what happened.

So sadly, there won't be much of a day 23 update today.

In other news, I've become totally addicted to my iPod, and podcasts in particular. On my current podcast playlist: Garrison Keillor's The Writer's Almanac, a bunch of Meditation Station episodes, Merrian-Webster's Word of the Day, The New York Times (weekday highlights, Front Page, Movie Reviews, Theatre Reviews, Washington Report, The Ethicist, and World View), Savage Love (Dan Savage is a lot kinder in his podcast than he tends to be in his column), and The Onion Radio News.

And now I'm going to look for audio books.

Labels: iPod, personal, podcasts, yoga

I didn't have the stamina to write last night's entry, so I'm writing a quick one this morning before the ass-early class that I have to go to because of my board meeting that takes up half my Saturday.

Wow, that sounded cranky.

I was also cranky in class last night when I seemed to be reverting back to my early days of the maha in terms of balance and strength. Poses that just the night before were simple had become a struggle last night. And it was pissing me off.

I realized toward the end of class and continued processing on my way home that I hadn't gotten enough to eat yesterday. Between the Southern Arizona Legislative "Breakfast" (which was little more than fruit and pastry - no protein) and the Roe Luncheon (at which I didn't eat as much as I should've), I hardly got a fraction of the calories and protein and carbs to which my body has now become accustomed.

So my crankiness from last night soon melted away as I accepted that it was a learning experience and I got over the self-anger and disappointment about my wobbles and perceived failures. That's part of the practice - discovering the learning moments and being gentle and forgiving with yourself.

OK, now I'm off to day 23!

Labels: personal, yoga

I went to yoga hour (late class) tonight because I had a work-related event earlier in the evening. I like yoga hour because it's 30 minutes shorter than regular class, which means the pace is a lot quicker to get as much of a workout as the regular class.

Tonight's word of the day was "contentment" (or rather, the Sanskrit word for "contentment"). It was about finding the peace and comfort wherever you are, without reaching or yearning for more. That doesn't mean you stop yearning and striving, it just means you also find harmony with your current position along the way.

I did some pretty deep backbends tonight too, which definitely put me in a content mood. Backbends stimulate those areas of the brain and the glands that secrete the hormones that give you a peaceful and euphoric feeling. It's a good skill to have, really.

The pose of the night was from the expanding syllabus, what from my frame of reference was a modified Vasisthasana (Side Plank Pose), where the top leg gets bent backwards and is held and isometrically pushes into the top hand as the top hand pushes it down into the hip. From my vantage point, I was one of the few people in class who got into the pose and held it. I say that not for competition or to toot my own horn, but as a frame of reference for just how difficult a pose it is and how proud I am of my progress that has given me the strength and balance to maintain it.

As I was lightly meditating during Svasana (Corpse Pose, the final resting pose of any Anusara practice session), I was able to reflect and realize that I am, in fact, quite content with my life right now. I'm certainly not complacent, but things are going well and I'm in a place where things seem on track and moving in a healthy and positive direction.

It's a remarkably good place to be.

Labels: contentment, personal, yoga

Two-thirds of the way through. And it seems like just yesterday I was only one-third of my way there.

Very crowded class tonight. Decent workout, but I don't think I got much out of it spiritually. There was some point about looking inward and shutting off some of the senses to augment others. Part of the practice tonight was done with eyes closed, which was an interesting experience.

There was some particular focus on the intercostals, which was a good stretch. At one point, we were doing a side twist in a lunge with the help of a partner. I essentially was in a forward lunge, twisting pretty much to the point where my back was almost resting on my lunged forward leg. That was pretty cool. I feel totally loose in my side torso right now.

I think I have what's been described to me as "Monkey Mind", usually following meditation. My brain is all over the place, I'm distracted and a little loopy. It happens sometimes apparently when the practice interrupts a lot of other crap going. Not that there's any particular crap, but there's enough, I guess.

Off topic: I bought myself and iPod nano from Amazon.com. They're running a promotion with audible.com where you get a $100 instant rebate off compatible mp3 players when you commit to 12 months of the audible service. I basically got my iPod for less than half price. I never thought that I was much of a music listener, but I have more than 400 mp3's on my computer, so I guess I'm a little more into it than I thought. Since I'll be making lots more trips between Phoenix and Tucson with my new job, this will definitely help with the tedium of those drives. Now I just need to find an FM transmitter that fits my nano. The one I ordered from Amazon with my nano only fits the first generation nanos and mine is second generation. Damn.

Labels: iPod, nano, personal, yoga

Lots of backbends tonight! Woo hoo!

For the first time in maybe a week, I broke a serious sweat and got out of breath tonight. It was a good feeling.

I find I enjoy working with a partner because the goal of partner work is usually to provide more resistance to come deeper into the asana.

Such was the case tonight with Dhanurasana (Bow Pose), wherein my partner Todd (whom Bruce called "Wes" - comic gold) wrapped a strap around my back under my shoulder blades ("where [my] bra strap would be"), sat on the ground, put his feet on my shoulders and extended his legs. This had the effect of extending my back deeper into the bend as I simultaneously lifted from the pelvis and isometrically extended my heart up and forward.

I had a similar experience on Saturday with Bhujangasana (Cobra), where my partner (not Todd/Wes) put pressure down on the backs of my calves so I had more freedom in my upper body. I came into an incredibly deep and effortless backbend. Everyone was duly impressed, me most of all.

The best part of the night though was when we were practicing Urdhva Dhanurasana (Backbend) and I came up into it three times by myself. The best best part though was that we were all doing it up against a wall and since I was in the middle row, I had to find space along the wall with the mirror. When I came up into the backbend each time, there I was staring back at me.

I looked deep in my own eyes, through my heavy breathing and red face, and saw my own inner beauty staring back at me.

Whoa. Heavy.

Labels: personal, yoga

Went to a Golden Globes-watching get-together after class last night, which is why I'm posting day 18's update this morning.

It always feels a little odd to go to an evening class on a day off from work. Still, it was well worth it.

The theme for the class was letting go, melting into your true self. At first blush, we were being instructed to go against all the teaching about alignment that we've been learning and working on. But the truth is that we were focusing on something called "kidney loop" that I'm still not sure I fully understand. The point is, it can feel like it's not what you're supposed to be doing, but you have to learn to let go because it is.

Letting go has never been a particular strength of mine, although I've certainly gotten a hell of a lot better over the past six months. It's probably a good thing to have that encouraged physically, too.

The next two weeks are going to be busy and long for me. I'm finding myself hardly straining at all anymore in class, and yoga is becoming more of a release and a joy than an obligation and an effort. I attribute much of that to my just being present in each moment and not getting frustrated with myself if I lose balance or fall over (which hardly ever happens anymore).

Learning to let go has its advantages.

Labels: letting go, personal, yoga

Day seventeen. Seventeen days down. Big seventeen. Seventeenarino.

There's really not much to say. Small class, which is always a delight. We did do headstands again today, which you faithful readers know I enjoy. I also did my first shoulder stand today. The inversions are fun. You should really try it sometime.

These maha updates are getting conspicuously shorter and less interesting as I draw nearer to my event horizon. Should I continue to post them or just wait for the extraordinary classes and give updates on those?

Discuss.

Labels: personal, yoga

Good class this morning. I worked some serious balancing mojo on a one-legged forward fold. And with the help of a neighbor, I got into a deep, DEEP cobra pose.

I'm finding myself heaving and shaking much less. I'm also finding the stretches and bends coming much easier. I know I'm still on the very beginning end of the learning curve, but it feels good to fall over or have to rest less often than not.

I don't really have much to add to that. I'm feeling pretty good and it's time to eat something.

Labels: personal, yoga

Yes, halfway done. Somehow, it feels a little disappointing. Part of that is because I'm hooked and don't want it to end. Another part of that is because of today's class.

There's only one evening basic class on Fridays, and I knew I would miss it. Since I was missing it for a work-related event tonight and I have another work-related activity tomorrow, I decided to flex my morning and take this morning's hatha basics class on the east side.

Taught by none other than KGUN 9's Guy Atchley.

The class was extremely low impact. I didn't even break a sweat. I was the youngest person in the class by at least 20 years, and the only male student. It definitely had kind of a Desperate Housewives vibe to it, like those women were really only there to hear Guy say things like "point your buttocks to the Catalina Mountains" or "ver-te-bra by ver-te-bra" (it sounded like there were five extra syllables when he said it) in that newscaster voice of his. I must admit, I did find it a little titillating too.

Hatha is the school of yoga upon which anusara is based. Guy's class is the only one at Yoga Oasis that is purely hatha with no anusara. If I didn't know the difference before, I think I do now. Today's class may as well have been called Stretching 101. It really was not very challenging for me at all. This frustrated me immensely during class.

Then I took a step back to try and find the positive in the situation. Turns out there are a couple.

First off, the low impact was good for my body coming at the halfway mark in the maha. It gave me a chance to rest but still feel as though I was doing something.

The other major benefit that really surprised me is the fact that I got frustrated because I felt like I wasn't getting enough of a workout. That means that I was looking to break a sweat, to feel the burn (though as Bruce says, "no pain, no pain"). I have never before in my life been disappointed when I didn't exert myself enough. This is a major shift for me.

I'm such a jock! OK, maybe that's a bit of a stretch.

I'm off to do a headstand, then go to bed. I need to get some kind of exertion in today.

Labels: personal, yoga

Good class tonight. I felt really connected and strong. Tonight was all about moving through the core and finding the proper alignment. It was good to focus on the most basic elements of the practice.

Tonight was another first for me - a headstand without any outside help. The wall doesn't count. I got up and stayed up on my own. And now that I've been guided through it, I feel comfortable practicing at home. Before I always had this fear that I would break my neck and they'd find my body weeks later, half-eaten by Leif.

After class I had to go to Target. For a legit reason, I swear! Saturday is the birthday of one of my staff members, and I wanted to get her a little something nice. I'm still working on making a good impression. I found myself just calmly winding my way around the store, feeling a deep sense of contentment and none of the usual need to rush that I feel when I'm overstimulated by the bargains and styles that Target has to offer.

When I got home and reflected on that, I realized my calm (and my better-than-usual posture) probably has a lot to do with those headstands I was doing during class. One of the benefits of Sirsasana is that it's supposed to allow you to look at the world from a different angle. Makes sense.

I don't have a whole lot of free wall space, but I may make a point of including this in my daily routine.

One other really fulfilling experience from this class came when we were working on a balancing asana and were asked to pair up with a neighbor. My neighbor was an older woman, probably in her 70's or 80's, and not in the best shape but certainly ahead of the curve compared to many women her age. It was great to work with her and share the pose with her. Our instructions were to support the arm of our partner as she brought it forward, leading her body into a forward bend as her other hand held her other foot close to the hip. I guess my partner couldn't hear the instructions very well, so I ended up talking her through the process of hugging into her core, finding her alignment, finding her balance, and coming into the pose. When she got into the pose on her stronger standing leg, it was a beautiful sight to behold. And I was there with her for the whole thing.

And my parents say they couldn't do it!

Labels: balance, beauty, gift giving, personal, yoga

I just didn't have it in me to post last night after I got home from yoga. It was a long day, I had to wear my corporate drag because of the State of the State address, and then I had a Women's Commission committee meeting at 5:30, which meant I had to go to the late yoga class.

Going to the late class was actually a good thing. Not only did I need it by the time 8:00 PM rolled around, but it was only an hour. It was kind of like a burst of adrenaline.

The theme of the class was contrast. When explained, I don't think contrast was quite the right word, but the concept was understood. The idea was to find something positive about asanas that you don't like or find challenging, or to find more challenges in asanas that you do like or find easy. There was something about the rain in there and deserts, but I'm afraid I slept all that away.

I think I'm getting to the point where I'm hooked. All through my hectic day yesterday, I kept looking forward with eager anticipation to class last night.

That's a lot healthier an addiction than when I tried (and failed miserably) to become an alcoholic a few years ago.

Labels: personal, yoga

Pretty crowded class tonight, though I think it was more crowded last night. There were a couple of people in class with me tonight who I knew BY (before yoga), so that fun to experience them in that environment.

Tonight's theme was about the essence of yoga. Yoga literally means a union, joining or yoking. As Bruce explained it (again, working from memory, I may not have this quite right), it's about matching who you actually are with your perception of yourself and vice versa.

Again, this resonated with me. I've been told time and again that I am frighteningly self-aware. But I've also been criticized - and rightfully so - because I at least know where my weaknesses have historically been, but have done nothing to strengthen myself.

Until now, of course.

It was actually Chad who put it so bluntly and also led me to this door. I opened the door and walked through it myself, but he gave me the kick in the ass in the right direction that I needed.

I think it's fair to say that I'm becoming more a man of action than ever before. I'm working to embody that joining of who I am with who I know I can be.

On a largely unrelated topic: I'm starting to worry a little about my Target spending habits. I had to go there tonight to pick up a few household items. I ended up leaving the store with, among other things, a new bathroom scale that also measures body fat. I've never owned a bathroom scale before, let alone one that measures body fat.

I won't reveal my weight (a lady never tells!), but I'm very pleased to report that I have 7.1% body fat.

Apparently, that's excellent according to the Homedics user guide.

Labels: body fat, personal, self-awareness, Target, yoga

Tonight's class was a little more intense than the past couple of days'. At one point, my thighs really felt like they were on fire. It was an intense stretch. Not surprisingly, tonight's class focussed yet again on opening the hips. While this is getting easier for me and makes a lot more sense, it's still plenty challenging.

Tonight's theme was about finding the balance between ascending and descending energies in the body. Ascending energy helps us discover our own uniqueness. Descending energy allows us to recognize and appreciate all the diversity in the world. Both of these energies are regulated by and flow through the heart. The dichotomy is similar to the inner and outer spiral, two of the five Universal Principles of Alignment in Anusara yoga. At least that's how I'm interpreting the theme from memory.

I also bought a new pair of spandex shorts to wear under my shorts to class yesterday, so my classmates won't have to worry about catching a faceful of my junk should the elasticity of my cotton boxer briefs become too loose.

And the world is better off for that.

Labels: personal, yoga

One-third of the way through!

It does feel easier now than it did even a few days ago. I initially thought that practice both yesterday and today were more gentle than it had been the preceding 8 days, but in retrospect, we were practicing the same asanas for the same amount of time in slightly different orders. Could it be that I'm actually getting stronger and more flexible?

Today's class was nice and small, probably only about 10 people. That allowed for some more individual attention to alignment, which I've been needing. Today's theme was about "making space" in the body and the mind for kindness to ourselves. The self-care-related themes really resonate with me. Self-care - or my historic lack of it - is one of the major reasons I decided to take this challenge.

Oh yeah, I did a handstand today!

I feel pretty good. I'm less sore between practices now than I was a week ago. I feel more connected to my body. My mind doesn't race quite as much.

Even my cat has been more affectionate toward me these past few days.

I'm telling you, you should join me and you won't regret it!

Labels: personal, yoga

Acts of kindness that didn't make much sense when they were performed have a funny way of bringing life into focus years later. That's where this story goes. But to tell the story, I have to start with the new year that just came to pass.

I always keep a calendar in my kitchen on the door to my pantry. Since last year's calendar was now expired, it was time for me to buy a new one. I looked at the calendar kiosk in the mall and in Borders, but none of those calendars struck my eye. I decided a yoga calendar was the way to go, since it might help motivate me to keep up my practice throughout the year.

Onto Amazon.com I went in search of such a calendar, which I found fairly easily. Since I was already ordering from Amazon, I figured I might as well also order a book on Ayurveda that was recommended during that workshop I attended a couple of months ago. As you may know, Amazon comps the shipping if you order $25 or more worth of merchandise.

My two books didn't quite make it, and rather than paying the shipping, I figured I deserved the extra extravagance of another book or DVD or CD. I looked through pages of recommendations that the Amazon software provides, but much like my Borders calendar search, nothing struck my fancy.

Then I remembered my friend Chris back in Ithaca. OK, to be fair, we were a little more than friends, but I won't go into all those illicit details here. Chris is an artist and poet of sorts, and always seemed to be on a slightly higher plane of consciousness than me. He always raved about A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers as his all-time favorite book.

I ordered Chris' favorite book because I also recently discovered how his perspective has come to have meaning in my life. Chris and I actually only met in person two or three times, but each time was an intense burst of insight and inspiration (and, admittedly, physical delight). We hooked up one last time about a week before I moved to Tucson. I drove out to his home in one of the rural towns in upstate New York whose name I can't even remember anymore.

After a walk out into the woods to some of his favorite meditation spots, and after enjoying some more carnal pleasures in his bedroom, he presented me a painting he made for me. For years I've been struck by the kindness of the gesture, but never understood the inscription until very recently.

The painting's title is "TREE" and it hangs right next to my front door. It's a mottled maroon background with a meditating figure encapsulating the OM symbol on top and a Japanese character for "tree" on the bottom.

On the back of the painting, Chris wrote:

"TREE"

For Michael

From Chris

June 22, 2002

- Remember that change is inevitable and it can only, eventually, manifest itself as strength -- and fear that preceeds (sic) change is simply excitement for what is about to be, overwhelming you -- you are the master of your direction -- the creator of your own reality

Be well
- CHRIS

The inscription makes so much more sense to me today than it did four and a half years ago. I've long since lost touch with Chris, but his words and his painting now inspire me more than I ever would have expected during our brief friendship. Even in my darkest hours right after moving to Tucson, those words never rang as true as they do today.

I understand more now about change, strength, fear and reality than at any time before now. And as Chris' succinct wisdom those years ago now finds meaningful manifestation in my life, I dedicate my yoga practice in part to him.

Labels: change, fear, friendship, personal, reality, strength, yoga

Today's class was thankfully very gentle. I do still feel sore, but I was able to move through the asana practice with relative ease. It's all part of honoring my practice and where I am in my practice.

Hillary couldn't make it today, something about dogs and emergencies. I hope her pooches are OK.

I'm starting to recognize and be recognized by other people in these classes, some who are also taking the maha challenge and some who are not. It's good to not feel quite as much like the odd man out anymore.

I think I'm going to go lie down and read. Maybe take a nap. I'm thinking of maybe going to see a movie later. If you're interested in joining me and know how to reach me, please do.

Labels: personal, yoga

I can't believe I started my second week of the challenge tonight!

Class was very crowded. I'm coming to appreciate the grumpy looks on the faces of some of the more experienced students. On the other hand, whateeeeeever.

I'm finding that I enjoy backbends and don't particularly enjoy the sun salutation asanas. That was unexpected. Give me a little Utrasana (camel pose) or Navasana (boat pose) or even Urdhva Dhanurasana (full backbend) any day.

I'm also happy to say that Hillary will be joining me for another class in the morning. She wins a prize for taking the plunge with me. I don't know what that prize will be yet besides the natural glow of a good workout and inner peace, but I'll think of something.

Speaking of glow, I met Hillary and some other friends and acquaintances after class at the Surly Wench. A casual acquaintance, who I rarely see, remarked upon my telling her I've taken up yoga, "that explains the glow!"

I didn't even feel as glowing tonight as I have after other classes, so it was reassuring to hear that kind of unsolicited comment.

I should get to bed because tomorrow's class is a morning one and my muscles need as much rest as they can get to recuperate.

Speaking of which, lean muscle is damn hot. I'd so do me.

Labels: personal, yoga

One week down!

I was in Phoenix most of the day today, and I didn't make it back in time for the regular basics classes at 6:00 on the east side or 6:15 central. So I ended up going to the "yoga hour" class from 8 to 9 PM. Even though I was tired and grumpy, which is the by-product for me of traveling to Phoenix.

I'm glad I went to class and proud of myself that I pushed myself to fill out the week. I enjoyed the slightly shorter class (classes are usually an hour and a half). There were no breaks or lengthy explanations or tedious explorations of the theme. Speaking of the theme, tonight's was the word "journey". This seemed fitting to me given the physical journey I made to Phoenix today and the other journey that I pushed myself to continue tonight by going to class in the first place.

Not much else to report right now. It's about time for me to go to bed so I can be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for work in the morning.

I feel sore but good.

Labels: journey, personal, yoga

One-fifth of the way through!

And almost an entire week in...

There wasn't so much a specific theme to tonight's class, which was mercifully a little smaller still than the night before. Maybe Wednesday is the night most people take off.

Instead of a theme or meditation, Mira asked for three or four poses that the more experienced students had trouble with a year ago. It was an interesting approach to class and proved ultimately rewarding.

My stamina had been waning the past few days, so today I made a conscious effort to give my body as much fuel as I could stomach. That meant a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a mid-morning Clif bar, a tempeh sandwich and pita chips with hummus for lunch, and another Clif bar in the late afternoon shortly before leaving the office. I've also restarted my daily multi-vitamin and I've started taking l-lysine, which is an essential amino acid not naturally produced by the human body.

Those of you who know me are probably wondering what the hell is going on with me. I've never been so focused on my health. Hell, I've never even thought about my health.

I've been goading and prodding many of you to join me on this auspicious journey, and I'm doing so because I think you would reap many of the same benefits that I am discovering - physically, emotionally and spiritually - along with some benefits that would be unique to you.

In the past week, I've had one friend who I don't see very often ask me if I've gotten taller. Another friend has told me I'm totally changed and happy (and that she misses the old 'gloomy Gus' - thanks a lot, Melissa!).

You don't have an excuse not to join me. I just started a new job and have been thrust into a full schedule of meetings upon meetings, so "I don't have time" won't fly.

I'm essentially a 130 pound weakling who's discovering strength I never knew I had, so "I'm too tired at the end of the day" doesn't hold water.

There are people of all shapes, sizes and ability levels in classes - many just as wobbly and red-faced as me, so "I'd be embarrassed about how I'd look" is totally without merit.

Come on, challenge yourself. It'll be good for your body and good for your soul. And it'll be fun to share this experience with you.

That said, don't do it for me.

Do it for you.

And as we say, Namaste.

Labels: challenge, personal, self-care, yoga

The fatigue has officially set in.

Class was not quite as crowded tonight as it was over the holiday weekend. It still got plenty hot in the studio though.

Tonight's theme was truth, specifically being honest about and truthful to oneself. OK, I can do that. In fact, I'm self-aware to a fault. No need to rehash all of that in this post.

The closing thought that we were left with tonight was something along the lines of, "the truth is, we're all incredibly powerful." I can't argue with that. It's just a matter of tapping in or rediscovering our innate personal power. Despite my muscular fatigue, I do think the yoga practice is helping me tap into my power core.

To tell the truth (as tonight has left me compelled to do), I was rethinking this 30 day challenge. I'm not used to feeling such fatigue. I soon realized after leaving class tonight that I was absolutely famished, despite eating three meals today, including one right before class.

My body is not used to burning so much energy or exerting itself so strenuously and consistently. My truth for tonight is that until now, I haven't taken very good care of myself. If I start doing that, start giving my body all the fuel it needs to carry on, the practice will get easier (but no less challenging) and I will come out the other end much stronger, happier and more centered.

So with this post I recommit myself to this thirty day challenge and the accompanying transformation I'm welcoming into my life.

Besides, I'm already one-sixth of the way through!

Labels: personal, truth, yoga

After spending a leisurely day doing not very much, I really didn't feel like going to class. But I went.

As it has been for the past few days, the place was packed. We'll see what happens tomorrow when we're off a holiday schedule and the traditional work week starts to pick back up.

Tonight's theme was icha, the universal burning desire for transformation. I definitely felt the physical burn tonight, especially in my legs. I think part of it is fatigue. I guess yoga every day will do that, even if it's still been only about half a week.

Despite the fatigue, I am definitely noticing progress. I am now able to spread my hips and touch the floor in Uttanasana, standing forward bend. A week ago, I had to use blocks on their highest stance.

If I can keep progressing noticeably like this, I will gladly work through the muscular burn as it keeps fueling my inner burning.

After all, my burning desire for transformation, my icha, is greater than my burning calves and thighs.

Labels: personal, transformation, yoga

Happy New Year!

I have high hopes for 2007, especially after the roller coaster that was 2006. Still, I have no regrets about the year that was.

At the party I attended last night, we each wrote down three wishes for the coming year, then burned them to send them out into the universe. In class yesterday, we set our intention not just for class, but for the year.

Setting a tone thusly can only yield positive results. It sure beats how I've spent the past five or six new year's eves: home, alone, drinking a vodka and cranberry, watching the ball drop in Times Square and singing both verses of Auld Lang Syne by myself from a 1935 songbook.

This is going to be a momentous year, I can feel it. And what a difference a year makes. I went back yesterday and read my first post of 2006. It was morose and full of self-pity. In hindsight, that really set a horrible tone for the following 12 months.

So I wish all my readers the same love, light, health and happiness that I intend and wish to bring to myself.

It's going to be one hell of a great year!

Labels: hope, new year, personal

Today's theme had to do with reflection and setting an intention for the coming year. Made sense to me. Tis the season, after all.

Class was packed. Apparently, that's how it is on holidays. I felt like I demonstrated progress today, as I was able to do both Warrior and Triangle poses without having to use a block. That was exciting.

Also exciting, I did a handstand. With a lot of help. But my hands were on the floor, my arms were extended, and the soles of my feet were pointing to the sky. I think that counts.

So 27 days to go in the challenge, and today I'm feeling like I can make it.

Labels: personal, yoga

I think having only about 14 hours between classes makes the second class harder.

Of course, having only been at this for two days, maybe that's just rationalizing.

Today's class was taken at the eastside location, and I was the only man in the class. I think it's also safe to say that most - if not all - of the women in the class had given birth at some point in their lives.

This meant that there wasn't much attention paid to those of us (OK, just me) who don't have very open hips.

Them: wide hips.

Me: tiny hips.

When I got out of class, my hips did feel incredibly loose, to the point that my legs were a little wobbly. It was kind of cool. Like being drunk without the dizziness.

So 2 down, only 28 to go!

Labels: personal, yoga

I decided to go for it last night. When I arrived at the studio, there was a sea of humanity. I had the choice of taking the larger class that was open to beginners or the class that was specifically for beginners. I opted for the latter because, among other reasons, the main class was packed solid.

Last night's class was definitely more intense than any of the handful of previous classes I've taken so far, few though they've been. I really questioned the wisdom of my decision to undergo this challenge.

But the theme of last night's class was endurance, the ability or strength to continue or last despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions. I realized that the entire past year for me has, in one way or another, been about my own endurance. So what's 30 more days?

The only way I haven't really endured is physically, but if I could endure in those emotional and spiritual ways, I can certainly give this a go.

And with that, I'm off to day two of the challenge...

Labels: endurance, personal, yoga

Moving to Tucson four and a half years ago was really the last major endeavor I undertook in which I really pushed myself outside by comfort zone.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to start pushing myself again, albeit on a much smaller scale.

I'm going to try the Maha Monthly Challenge. That's a class of yoga a day for a month. I'm an uber-beginner and I've just started a new job, but I think the physical, emotional, spiritual and disciplinary benefits could be huge.

Honestly, I'll consider it a success if I last a week.

So anyone interested in joining me for all or part of it?

I'll try and post regular updates on my progress. Stay tuned.

And no, there will be no pictures. At least not until this body gets whipped into better shape.

Labels: personal, self-care, yoga

First, Merry Christmas to my many goyim friends.

Yoga Oasis was offering a free class this morning, so I figured I'd go. When I got there (only a couple of minutes before the class was about to start), the parking lot was packed. Busier than I'd ever seen it, though my frame of reference is admittedly small. Rather than staying, I decided to practice at home, which I ought to be doing anyway.

On my way home, I stopped by Casa Video to see if there was anything there I wanted to rent. For my four-year anniversary at the Center Against Sexual Assault, some of my colleagues chipped in and bought me, among other things, a Casa gift certificate. I've only used it once, so today I figured I might as well take advantage of my credit.

I rented Oh! Calcutta! and the second season of Little Britain. I was going to rent this other movie with Elijah Wood (who I've had a little crush on for years, Lord of the Rings nonsense notwithstanding). But the cover said it had extreme violence in it, and I'm not in the mood for that right now.

Side note: Hair is often credited as being the first Broadway musical with nudity, but it was actually Oh! Calcutta!. My high school chorus teacher frequently pointed that out for some reason. Also noteworthy, Oh! Calcutta! counts among its authors John Lennon and Sam Shepard.

So I came home (after nearly an hour of wandering around Casa), laid out my yoga mat, and proceeded to practice as best I could. I did all right. In fact, I did better than all right: I did a backbend rather effortlessly! Backbends are supposed to be good for stimulating the thyroid and pituitary glands and for heightening mood. Given how I feel right now, I'm inclined to believe it.

As I was typing this, Miriam called me to ask for a ride home from the airport later tonight. I'm so excited to have her back (for however long it lasts till she moves to NYC for good). She's usually my birthday buddy - what else would two Jews do on Christmas Eve but spend it together going to a movie?

This year I went to see The History Boys at the Loft by myself. I did enjoy the movie. I especially appreciated the reminder of the future subjunctive tense - that which may or may not happen. Seemed rather a fitting concept for me to think about on my birthday.

I also want to thank Hillary for spending so much time with me this weekend. She had an extra ticket to see the Arizona Theatre Company production of Ella on Thursday, came to my party on Friday, and went to yoga class with me on Saturday, after which she treated me to brunch at the Blue Willow for my birthday. And then she sent me a happy birthday text message yesterday.

I feel really blessed - as blessed as an atheist can feel - to have such light and love in my life. In the year ahead, I commit to remaining open to grace.

Labels: birthday, British comedy, celebration, Hillary, Miriam, musicals, New York, personal, relationships, Tucson, yoga

And since I turn 29 today, I just know this will be a prime year.

Happy birthday to me!

Discuss.

Labels: birthday, hope, personal

Still not really wanting to be absorbed into the MySpace evil empire, I popped over to see if I could find my friend Miriam's blog to read it without signing up. As luck would have it, I can read up on her adventures in NYC without selling my soul.

I always knew Miss M could write, but I never knew what an incredibly talented scribe she is. She's in New York visiting her sister (hi Ryvka!) and all her friends who she claims have deserted her by moving to the city. And now she's contemplating moving there too.

I'd miss her terribly, but I think it could be a good move for her. New York City is a frenetic, vibrant metropolis that I think would really suit her. I'd of course be terribly bitter and jealous, but I can also be a supportive friend. Really. I know I could.

I anxiously await Miriam's return to Tucson so she can regale me with all her wild tales of adventure and drunken revelry. Until then, keep living the dream, Miss M, keep living the dream!

Labels: Miriam, New York, personal, Rupert Murdoch's evil empire, social networking

As near as I can figure (or remember), I came out of the closet for the first time ten years ago today. And what a long, strange trip it's been.

I was just finishing my first semester in college, a difficult and confusing period of adjustment. I was very sheltered and isolated before I left the nest, and spent most of that semester in the dorm's TV lounge, moping around and being anti-social.

But I did manage to make a few friends. One of them, a fellow Freshman named Rose, was in a committed relationship with another woman. She was the first lesbian that I ever met up close and personal. I had never been raised to hate the queers, but I did come from a rural/suburban community, so many of my peers growing up had been.

I remember having latent feelings for some of the guys I knew back home. I just tried to dismiss it as...I don't know what, really. But it was easier to dismiss than risk getting beat up or totally ostracized. Though I was class and student body president, I still wasn't exactly what I'd call popular.

Rose changed my perspective. For the first time, I realized that queer people could be safe, healthy and happy. She was the first person I came out to, going to her room that Wednesday evening before we were to leave for winter break, and confessing that I was bisexual (an identity I would cling to for a couple more years before bringing my other foot out of the closet too). She warmly embraced me and thanked me for finally being honest with her. Like my sister when I would later tell her, Rose already knew - it seemed everybody knew.

Coming out is an incredibly freeing and healthy experience. As Ted Haggard and Michael McGreevy learned over the past few years, doing so in public after repressing your true identity for years can be both painful and destructive. Coming out is also a lifelong process. I no longer identify as bisexual or gay, but as queer. But no label could ever accurately or totally define me. And I honestly don't put a lot of thought into how I present my identity anymore. I don't worry that I'll be judged for or strive to be defined by my sexual orientation. It's just one part of who I am, one brushstroke in the bigger picture.

So how does one celebrate his homoversary? The traditional 10th anniversary gift is tin or aluminum. The modern gift is diamond jewelry. There's a joke to be made in there somewhere, but it's pre-dawn and I'm not in the mood to do that yet.

So today is my homoversary and my last day at the old job. Tomorrow is the first day at my new job, and my birthday is on Sunday. It seems I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to celebrate this week. Please join me.

Labels: celebration, coming out, homoversary, LGBT, personal

I had a lovely time at a dinner party tonight. It was pot luck, and I made Kitchari, which is an Ayurveda cleansing dish. I used all organic ingredients, and it was well received by everyone, regardless of their doshic composition (I'm Vata Kapha).

For the past week or so, I've been getting these massive twinges of pain along the left side of my head. They'd mostly be flashes of sharp pain followed by some dull aching. Seriously, it felt as though I could dash my head against some rocks and a grown woman would spring forth from the gash in my head (yes, that's Greek myth nerdiness). Since mid-day today when I pulled myself out of my funk, the head pain hasn't come back. I really think it had something to do with the wave of depression that I saw coming on and that hit me Friday evening. Once I got over the heartache, I got over the headache. I'm not generally that prone to such somatic symptomology, but I think it's a good thing.

I've very consciously avoided commenting on the House Ethics Committee report about the Page scandal, particularly when it comes to Jim Kolbe. I know I hinted about a lot of dirt leading up to the elections last month. When I started receiving e-mails from other bloggers asking me to divulge my information, I had reservations because all I really have is rumor and innuendo. I happen to trust my sources (yes, there are multiple sources), but I am reluctant to print what I've heard without concrete evidence or a first-person account. So sorry folks, but I really don't think it would be appropriate of me to put on the interweb what I understand to be fairly well-known in at least some segments of the local queer community. As far as I know for sure, the man is a paragon of virtue who did not act appropriately when confronted with the misdeeds of one of his colleagues. Or something like that.

Yes, I know I made you read through two paragraphs of personal stuff for the anti-climactic good stuff. Cut me some slack, it's after midnight on a Saturday night and nobody else is up for me to talk to. It's the Vata in me.

I spent a few hours cleaning out most of the rest of my office today. The back seat of my car is now filled with boxes. I'm way too much of a packrat. I should work on simplifying. That goes for every aspect of my life.

Finally, my friend Miriam, who dragged me kicking and screaming onto Friendster a few years ago may succeed again in dragging me onto MySpace. I've been boycotting it because it's now owned by Rupert Murdoch and I just know he's going to find some way to use it for evil. Also, pedophile predators. On the other hand, it seems like a good way to stay in touch with friends who I don't get to see on a regular basis. Feel free to post your thoughts in the comments. I suppose my use of the site doesn't necessarily have to constitute an endorsement.

All right, time for some meditation and then sleep. I think I may have a busy day tomorrow.

Labels: Ayurveda, Friendster, Kolbe, LGBT, personal, Rupert Murdoch's evil empire, sex abuse

Just wanted to follow up on my post from last night.

Last night and this morning were pretty rough for me. I fell back into old patterns of sadness and confusion.

Then I read some Rumi and began to understand how truly blessed I am.

So I am doing much better now and am going to continue on this path of following my bliss and seeing where it takes me.

That's all.

Labels: hope, personal

I've just been made aware of something I'd been slowly suspecting all week. I've just repeated an interpersonal relationship series of behaviors that I engaged in almost exactly five years ago. I thought I was getting my shit together, especially with the new job, but it's clear I have miles to go. Miles to go.

I won't let all the joy I've worked to bring back into my life just disappear though. I'm going to figure this out and keep working on it. I refuse to let this spiral me into depression.

I'm sure this makes virtually no sense to all but a small few who read this blog. To those of you who know what I'm talking about, please give me your feedback.

For the rest of you, just ignore this post. I'll post something for you soon.

Labels: hope, personal, relationships

I am officially the new Vice President of External Affairs at Planned Parenthood of Southern Arizona, effective December 19.

I will be responsible for and have oversight of the agency's marketing, communications, media advocacy, public policy agenda, and education program.

So go me.

Labels: career, hope, jobs, personal

I have been offered the position of Vice President of External Affairs at Planned Parenthood of Southern Arizona. I plan to accept the position. After four years at the Southern Arizona Center Against Sexual Assault and about six years overall in the anti-rape field, it's time for me to move on. Needless to say, this is an opportunity for me ripe with possibilities. Thanks to all my readers who were references and moral supporters.

And if you're not too busy on Friday night and want to help me celebrate, some of us will be gathering at the B Line on Fourth Avenue in Tucson around 5:30-6:00 PM.

Labels: career, hope, jobs, personal

I expect to have a major personal announcement to make on Monday or Tuesday of next week. Some of my more loyal readers already know what it probably is. I'm not keeping it a secret, and as sure a thing as it is at this point, nothing has been set in stone yet. So stay tuned...

Labels: career, hope, jobs, personal