My New Year's wishes for all my loved ones are more or less the same wishes I have for myself: a life well-lived, full of love, bliss, grace, compassion, success and peace of mind.

2008 is going to be our best year yet. I can just feel it. My most sincere and heartfelt thanks to all of you faithful readers for helping me through 2007 and making it memorable and mostly positive. May we each continue on our individual paths of personal growth and fulfillment in 2008, with new breakthroughs and ever more profound epiphanies.

I send my love to you and to those who only read rarely or not at all. We create our own destinies, and 2008 will surely be a year of fulfillment of those amazing, terrific, empowered destinies.

Please use the comments to set your intention for the year and share it with others so that we may all be inspired by it. My biggest intention for 2008 is to manifest the resources and the courage to create the life for myself that I want to lead, which may or may not take me to NYC permanently.

Your turns.

Labels: celebration, growth, hope, moving, new year, New York, opening to grace, personal, strength, success, transformation, wisdom

My flight arrived about a half hour earlier than scheduled. Jason and Brandon came to pick me up. I'm home now with a very appreciative and affectionate cat. That helps me be less sad about being back in Tucson.

I have to extend thanks yet again to Miriam for her hospitality throughout the last week, to Damon and Tamara for traveling from Philly to spend time with me, to Marla for helping me ring in my 30's just the way I wanted to, to Debra for the wonderful birthday massage, to Mell for dinner and the great conversation, to Teddi and Jack and David for being so pleasantly surprised to see me, to Mitch for being Mitch, to Hillary for taking care of Leif and taking me to the airport - I literally couldn't have taken my vacation without her, and to Jason and Brandon for being the friendly faces I needed to see when I got back to Tucson.

On the flight home, I kept getting a little teary. Not out of sadness at returning, mind you, though I would rather still be in New York. No, I'm misty even now at the realization at just how lucky I am to have people like these in my life, even if I rarely get to see them. I'm fortunate to have the means to take a trip like this. I'm truly blessed in so many ways, and I'm so fucking grateful for all of it. Cat included (he's sitting next to me purring as I type this).

When I was in JFK waiting to board and searching desperately for New York anything-edible to bring in for my client, I realized why New York's siren song calls to me. There's just an sense there that anything is possible, which, coincidentally, has become my mantra over the past year. It's a hard feeling to hold onto in a place like Tucson, where the options tend to be limited. I'm trying to stay positive here, because I've certainly managed to create wonderful opportunities for myself out here. But am I truly living up to my full potential? Or is there more for me?

My 30's are going to be the best decade yet for me. To make that happen, I have to be positioned appropriately. It's like Tucson is missionary and I like more kink out of life. There's nothing inherently bad about the missionary position - it gets the job done. It's just not always the most fun way to do it, and it's certainly not very imaginative.

I've said it before on this blog, that I moved to Tucson for the wrong reasons. But moving to New York feels so right to me. I'd be moving for me. Now all I need is a job when I get there and at least $5,000 in the bank. How hard can that be?

I should probably just go to bed. I'll upload pictures in the morning. Pinky swear.

Labels: celebration, challenge, change, friendship, hope, Jason, Miriam, moving, New York, sex, strength, success, Tucson

We're both lame duck Vice Presidents.

Of course, I'm the not-batshit-bloodthirsty-insane one.

Due to the merger of the two Planned Parenthood affiliates in Arizona, my position has been eliminated and the new position for which I interviewed has been given to someone else.

I'm actually doing just fine and am looking at this as a great opportunity to find a new and even better path. I respect the decision and the decision-makers, and I trust that the universe will give me everything I need.

Here's the text of the e-mail I sent to friends and colleagues this afternoon after I was given the news:

Dear friends,

As many of you know, my job has been in a state of limbo for a couple of months now as both Planned Parenthood affiliates in Arizona proceed with merging. I was told today that I will not be continuing with Planned Parenthood in any capacity moving forward. I have at least two weeks left here, though I've asked to remain employed for a little longer as I find my next opportunity.

I certainly appreciate all your well wishes and kind thoughts over the past few months as I've lived with the ambiguity. I'm actually doing well with the staffing decisions that were made and I'm optimistic about what the future will hold for me. There is severance, which should carry me through for about a month or so as I peer into the future. Layoffs happen to thousands of people every day, and it's certainly not the end of the world. I choose to look at this as a sign that I'm not doing what I should be doing and as an opportunity for me to find my next big thing.

That said, I'm appealing to you for help during this transition, particularly by way of feeding me any job postings that may be appropriate. I'll attach my resume to this e-mail to provide you with a more complete view of my professional and volunteer experience.

As you also know, I operate a small consulting practice and specialize in helping non-profit organizations and leaders communicate more effectively. My rates are highly competitive, so if you, you organization, or someone you know is looking for graphic design, speaker coaching, young leadership development, or sexuality/gender or disability awareness trainings, please visit my website (www.m2powered.com) for more information.

Working for Planned Parenthood has been a wonderful experience for me, and moving here from the Center Against Sexual Assault was absolutely the right decision for me at the right time. I wouldn't change that decision, even if I had known then what I know now. If you've been a supporter of Planned Parenthood in the past, I hope you will continue that support in the future, and if you haven't been a supporter, I hope you'll consider supporting the organization now, regardless of their decision about my position. There are far too few local organizations willing to stand up and take risks for progressive causes, or that give young people true positions of leadership within the organizational structure.

Thanks so much for your ongoing love and support. I feel truly blessed to count you as my friends.

Take care,
~ M

Please leave job leads for me in the comments of this post or e-mail them to me at michael -at- m2powered -dot- com. My preference would be something in the non-profit sector with supervisory responsibilities and in a senior leadership role.

Namaste.

Labels: career, challenge, endurance, friendship, hope, jobs, journey, opening to grace, personal, self-care, strength, success

Work has been busy lately, and I'm really loving every minute of it. But that usually means staying as late as possible at work before heading off to yoga.

Tonight was no exception, except I had to stop by the real estate listing place to get an updated list since they didn't have anything new last week when I stopped by. One of our interns and I were the last two people in the admin side of the building. I should have received my access code clearance to set and turn off the alarm weeks ago, but something got lost and our HR coordinator had to call the alarm company to have them resend it this week. So the intern and I had to leave before the health care staff closed down the building.

I arrived at the real estate place, got my list, and realized I had left my cell phone back at the office. My yoga class was to start in about 20 minutes. I could go back to my office with the hope that health care staff would still be there and I could get in and out the building to grab my phone. Or I could just go without my cell phone for a night and go to yoga.

You can guess what choice I made.

I felt like I had a mini-breakthrough in Friday's class when the teacher chose me to demonstrate a hip opener. It was the first time I've been asked to demonstrate anything for the class since I started practicing, so it was an honor for me. I had a lackluster practice on Sunday morning because I didn't eat breakfast before class, and I had to skip last night's class because of another commitment, so I was really looking forward to getting back on my mat and giving myself over to the practice.

Some of my co-workers have brought up and asked me about my yoga practice over the past couple of days, which has also made me feel good about it. On Monday, our health care staff had a half day meeting, which I attended as a way to get to know them a little better and learn a bit more about service delivery. About halfway through, my VP counterpart on the health care side pulled me aside and asked if I'd lead some basic yoga exercises during their break before the section of the meeting on self-care. I happily agreed.

I didn't ultimately get to lead the abridged class because they ran out of time, but it did give me a chance to reflect on what I would have said and done. I discovered, as I sat there half-listening to the presentation on Gardasil, that I actually knew pretty much all I'd need to know to lead a short basic class, down to the foundational principles of the style of yoga I practice and the Sanskrit names of the basic asanas I would have worked through with them. Even though we were short on time yesterday, I was asked if I would lead a class or two in the future. I'm no teacher, but I can help lead folks through some of the basics.

Shortly before I left the office today, I got into a conversation with one of my staff members about my yoga practice. Again, I found myself speaking knowledgeably and providing a little education to my co-worker. It was surprising and wonderful.

So with the past two days of yogic revelations as a backdrop, I was pumped for class. I made small talk with my classmates, as I've become friendly with several of the other regulars. The woman who teaches the class I attend on Saturdays was also attending tonight's class and gave me a hug when she saw me. I felt a great sense of belonging, of connection that I had yet to feel since I started practicing about three months ago.

The opening lesson was about finding our edge and maybe pushing past it. Finding our boundaries of comfort, and then taking a step beyond, not just in asana practice, but in every aspect of life. Going all the way, giving yourself fully to whatever your task may be. With that in mind and as the foundation of tonight's class, I went whole hog.

I received multiple compliments from classmates and tonight's teacher alike on my Pincha Mayurasana. I got up effortlessly and was able to balance away from the wall for longer than ever before. After class, the teacher who hugged me before class made it a point to come over to me as I was rolling up my mat to tell me I had a beautiful Dhanurasana. I was deeply flattered. Then a couple of classmates and I got into some small talk as we were leaving and one of them insisted I meet her husband.

So I'm glad I decided to let go and learn to push past my edge. I think I have a solid understanding now of "opening to grace," which is the first of the five Universal Principles of Alignment that is the basis of this style of yoga.

Now I just need to figure out how to wake up in the morning, since I use my cell phone as my alarm clock...

Labels: challenge, change, contentment, endurance, journey, opening to grace, personal, self-awareness, self-care, strength, yoga

Over the past couple of months, I've had a couple of friends come to me for advice and support as they sort out or go through some relationship (or "just friends") turmoil. I'm happy to try and help and be supportive, but I can't help thinking, "am I really the best qualified person for this?"

History would indicate that I'm not.

In fact, up until about six months ago or so, I was pretty hostile to even the concept of romance. At least twice in my adult life, I've been the co-dependent, emotionally needy shlub with unrequited crushes that end up leading me to pretty drastic life-changing experiences. And this is not some far-distant trend; it just happened again about two and a half months ago. I think this time I finally learned from my mistakes, but still. That those experiences have all seemed to have miraculously worked out for the best is still unrelated to the fact that I'm a terrible relationship role model.

On the other hand, maybe this is how I repair my romantic karma. Maybe by supporting those friends who are now being victimized by some of the same emotional blackmail and overwrought nonsense to which I subjected the objects of my unreciprocated affections, I can wash my love-slate clean.

This might also help make up for that one guy I broke up with via e-mail during my senior year in college.

I told you I'm bad at this!

So I'm happy to lend an ear or a shoulder and to offer advice when asked, but please take it with a huge heaping tablespoon of salt!

I mean, honestly, what the hell do I know?

Labels: friendship, letting go, personal, relationships, strength

Acts of kindness that didn't make much sense when they were performed have a funny way of bringing life into focus years later. That's where this story goes. But to tell the story, I have to start with the new year that just came to pass.

I always keep a calendar in my kitchen on the door to my pantry. Since last year's calendar was now expired, it was time for me to buy a new one. I looked at the calendar kiosk in the mall and in Borders, but none of those calendars struck my eye. I decided a yoga calendar was the way to go, since it might help motivate me to keep up my practice throughout the year.

Onto Amazon.com I went in search of such a calendar, which I found fairly easily. Since I was already ordering from Amazon, I figured I might as well also order a book on Ayurveda that was recommended during that workshop I attended a couple of months ago. As you may know, Amazon comps the shipping if you order $25 or more worth of merchandise.

My two books didn't quite make it, and rather than paying the shipping, I figured I deserved the extra extravagance of another book or DVD or CD. I looked through pages of recommendations that the Amazon software provides, but much like my Borders calendar search, nothing struck my fancy.

Then I remembered my friend Chris back in Ithaca. OK, to be fair, we were a little more than friends, but I won't go into all those illicit details here. Chris is an artist and poet of sorts, and always seemed to be on a slightly higher plane of consciousness than me. He always raved about A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers as his all-time favorite book.

I ordered Chris' favorite book because I also recently discovered how his perspective has come to have meaning in my life. Chris and I actually only met in person two or three times, but each time was an intense burst of insight and inspiration (and, admittedly, physical delight). We hooked up one last time about a week before I moved to Tucson. I drove out to his home in one of the rural towns in upstate New York whose name I can't even remember anymore.

After a walk out into the woods to some of his favorite meditation spots, and after enjoying some more carnal pleasures in his bedroom, he presented me a painting he made for me. For years I've been struck by the kindness of the gesture, but never understood the inscription until very recently.

The painting's title is "TREE" and it hangs right next to my front door. It's a mottled maroon background with a meditating figure encapsulating the OM symbol on top and a Japanese character for "tree" on the bottom.

On the back of the painting, Chris wrote:

"TREE"

For Michael

From Chris

June 22, 2002

- Remember that change is inevitable and it can only, eventually, manifest itself as strength -- and fear that preceeds (sic) change is simply excitement for what is about to be, overwhelming you -- you are the master of your direction -- the creator of your own reality

Be well
- CHRIS

The inscription makes so much more sense to me today than it did four and a half years ago. I've long since lost touch with Chris, but his words and his painting now inspire me more than I ever would have expected during our brief friendship. Even in my darkest hours right after moving to Tucson, those words never rang as true as they do today.

I understand more now about change, strength, fear and reality than at any time before now. And as Chris' succinct wisdom those years ago now finds meaningful manifestation in my life, I dedicate my yoga practice in part to him.

Labels: change, fear, friendship, personal, reality, strength, yoga